Claiming Lewis Skolnick

I am not a nerd.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just not one.

Maybe this is like Dick Nixon stating that he wasn't a crook, but just hear me out on this one. Over the past few years, I have noticed a trend. People who are clearly not nerds proclaiming their nerdiness. They are conflating the notion of being smart with being a nerd. Or knowing minute facts about a particular subject with being a nerd. Or being technologically savvy with being a nerd. Or spending their professional life in academic pursuits with being a nerd. This is not nerdiness people. We're diluting the idea of what a nerd is down to meaninglessness and taking away from those who can rightfully claim the moniker.

Librarians are especially fond of being loud and proud about their nerdom. The reasoning goes like this: "Librarians are smart and often fastidious. Nerds are smart and often fastidious. Librarians are nerds. I am a librarian. Thus, I am a nerd." Nah-uh. Basil Rathbone would smack you silly with his tweed deerstalker for that argument.

I was at a swanky bar the other night with a group of young, hot, gussied up librarians and there it was again. Someone knew an obscure-ish fact. "God! Librarians are such a bunch of nerds! Look at us busting out with crazy facts like that! Who would do that? Only us! NERDS!" This followed by hearty, satisfied agreement and raised vodka martinis all around. Let me tell you something, ladies. Nerds do not hang out at exclusive, pretty-people establishments on a weeknight, wearing Franco Sarto boots and garnering lusty looks from passersby. That is not what a nerd is. There are TWO criteria for being a nerd. Off-the-charts brainy, yes. The other half of this is severe social awkwardness. It's a chocolate-and-peanut-butter situation. You've gotta have both to call it a Reese's.

So why do we do this? I have a few theories. One is that perhaps, in our dark and distant pasts, we were indeed a textbook nerd. Yes, people, I'm talking about high school. I realize that there is a virtual army of hot adults who were once metal-mouthed, , head-gear-having, shy, misunderstood social misfits. This is why some of us treat the nerdy teens that come to the library with a misty, nostalgic eye. Yes, I've seen you do it. But you've blossomed. That's not you! You're hot now, and those nerdy teens look at you and think that perhaps someday, they can grow up to be that cool librarian too.

My other theory is that librarians claim nerdiness because they are wanting to reclaim the word. Why does "nerd" have to have a negative connotation? Being the smart, quirky kid isn't a bad thing! Let's show the world how cool intelligence wins out over superficialities like shiny hair and a J-Lo shelf butt! Didn't Napoleon D. get a standing ovation for his weird-o dance and prove he was the coolest of all? Didn't Urkel win the heart of Laura? Yes, that is all true. But you can't claim it if you're not all in. Nerds pay the social price for their art. If you're bouncing through your life being all hot and gee-your-hair-smells-terrific, you're not taking the good with the bad. You reap the benefits of calling yourself a nerd (look how incredibly genius I am) without having to eat the downside. So all you're doing is making real nerds hate you. It's like the bony girls who are constantly harping on how fat they are. Non-Skeletor girls want to tear them a new one.

Third theory: librarians tend to have a bit of a rebellious streak. We identify with the underdog, the downtrodden, the misfits. And nerds are our perfect champion cause. They love the library. They love us. They are misfits that hang out in our place of business. We love them, we stand up for them. Fight the power! But that doesn't mean we are one of them. (For the record, it doesn't mean we AREN'T one of them either. There are nerdy librarians for sure. Just not as many as we claim). So feeling rebellious against the power of Paris-Hilton-culture isn't enough to make you a nerd. James Dean wasn't a nerd. Johnny Rotten isn't either. Joan Jett, nope. Sorry.

Good old Merriam-Webster put it like this: "an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits."

Yes, I just quoted the dictionary. Call me a nerd if you wish. I just won't answer to it.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl