Ax me a question

Thanks guys! You totally came through with the questions, you bunch of Bernard Pivots. Actually, some of you are a little more James Lipton than Bernard Pivot, I noticed. You know who you are. So, here be my answers, homies.

french panic asked:
I do not know this Glamorous song you speak of. Does this make me a)uncool or b)ultra cool for ignoring Top 40 radio?

You dastardly french panic, you. I see your evil plan. I, being your blog-friend, already KNOW that you're cool. Which means I have to answer this question by sayingthat not knowing this song means you are choice b. Ultra cool. But see, then it would have to follow that people who DO know this song (ahem, like me) would have to be in the uncool category. So it's like a zen riddle. How can either of us be uncool if we're on opposite sides of this conundrum? I am forced to conclude that a degree in the Science of Fergie does not have any bearing whatsoever on coolness.

Also french panic:
In a recent post, you mentioned wearing acid-wash jeans and having a motorcycling boyfriend at the age of 17. Acid-wash was cool in my school when I was in grade 6 or 7. This would make you approximately 37 years old. Are you in your late 30s, or did acid wash have an extended hey day in the US that I am not aware of?

Frenchie, you are really grilling me with these questions. Are you really Christiane Amanpoor and you're just faking this whole Canadian thing? Because you just went and asked me my AGE. Yes, you did. But no, I am not in my late 30s. And honestly, I wasn't actually wearing acid-washed jeans in that story when I was 17. It was added for dramatic effect. I did wear acid-washed jeans in high school, but I think they were pretty much over by the time I was in 9th grade. So that would put me in the dirrty thirties, but early rather than late. Or even mid would be an acceptable answer. Just not late. Not yet.

Parttime Librarian asked:
Have you been a librarian long?

No, I'm a baby librarian, just out of the pupa stage. Although, because many of my colleagues are all I've-been-here-for-thirty-years, I think I will have a librarian-pup feeling for a while. Pass the puppy chow, 'cause I'm all cute and cuddly and stuff.

Sphinter asked:
Am I dreaming this up or are you in Seattle?

You are not dreaming. Although if you would like to conjure me away to a city, try for London, please.

Also Sphincter:
If you are in Seattle, is it true that one of the floors in the new SPL is illuminated by colored lighting (like red and/or blue?) If this is true, this seems odd. Is it as odd as it sounds?

I can't think of a floor that is illuminated, but there are many crazy things about that building that you may have heard about. Like the escalators and elevators are all illuminated in chartreuse. And there is a whole floor that is entirely (and I mean ENTIRELY) red. It's like being inside a big uterus. Not that I remember what it's like being inside a uterus, but it just seems very hello-I'm-in-an-organ. And I really like it. What does that say about me? Discuss.

Teej asked:
What's the coolest thing that a librarian can help the average citizen do--a service most people aren't aware of?

Oh Teej, where to begin? I truly think that libraries in general and my library system in particular rocks the hay-owse in so many different ways. But if you want to know something that maybe isn't very well known...how about the fact that our Central library has private music practice rooms? Notice I said music practice, not
make-out practice. Just to be clear.

Teej also asked:
Are "Bunnicula" and "The Celery Stalks at Midnight" and "Howliday Inn" still popular with the cool kids? Or maybe I never was one of the cool kids.... Oh.

Oh yes indeedy, they are very popular. How can a vampire bunny rabbit ever go out of style? It's like Chanel. Timeless. And I must tell you that whenever I get asked for Bunnicula, I tend to go home and annoy the bejeezus out of Nordic Boy by putting "icula" on the end of any word that I can. "How about a snackicula?" "That Clive Owen sure is hotticula." "I'm going to take a bathicula." You think I'm making that up, but I assure you, I've really said all of those things.

Katie K asked:
...it's not a question but I want to hear about you in library school!!!

Katie, I just have to tell you that your experience of library school (as I've seen from your blog and the blogs of your friends) is SO MUCH BETTER than mine was. You guys seem to have cornered the market on mighty nice people. People who like to hang out and have a sense of humor and don't flip the fuck out if they get a half-grade lower than their peers. My library school people were way intense, like we were learning how to be friggin' CIA agents or something.

Spacecase asked:
What's the largest overdue fine you've ever seen?

Aw Spacecase, I wish I could come up with some crazy ass answer like someone had $10,000 in overdue fines for checking out too many Zamfir cds. Alas, I don't. I don't do any circ at my job (oh look at me dropping the terminoogy..."circ," my non-librarian friends, is short for circulation, which is the department of the library where they actually check books in and out and collect fines and such like), so I don't really see fines too much. I'd say the highest I've seen is maybe 200 bucks, something like that.

devo2007 asked:
What is the gross national product of Zimbabwe?

Hey, what do you think this is, some kind of reference desk or something? I'm off the clock, mister.

pencilwriter asked:
Do you color your hair?

My hair is 100% virgin (please no wisecracks about the rest of me, people). As of now, I have never had any chemicals, perms, treatment, or color. I did contemplate dying my hair midnight blue when I was in 10th grade. It was a grand idea that lasted maybe 5 minutes.

llojackie asked:
How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Honestly, llojackie, I can't really remember who was first (whoa that sounded sluttalicious, didn't it?), I think there was lots of kissing in the spin-the-bottle era of 7th and 8th grade. I don't really count those as my first kisses because they were so...ehh. The one I really count was from my boyfriend in 11th grade. It was the first one that made my knees weak, literally. It was like, all of a sudden, my entire body woke the hell up. Hello, sexual awakening, nice to meet you.

nikki_rgbld asked:

What is your favorite book?

How you gonna ask me that? That is too hard. I am horrible at favorites. Favorite book, movie, song, band. I can't decide shit like that. How about that one book that I wrote that blog post about? The one where Celine Dion is posing with all these random babies? Let's say that is my favorite book. It's so wrong that maybe it's right. There's a thin line between love and hate, you know.

heather1432 asked:
Why do you blog?

Shit, I don't know. It seems like the right thing to do.

laurielaugh asked:
Tell us a strange fact about you that we haven't heard.

I don't know if you haven't heard this, but I dream pop culture and/or historic figures. In recent nights, I have dreamed that I was having a beer with Eddie Izzard, and that I was swimming in the ocean with a young Anne Bancroft, and that I kissed Proust at a bachelor party (and I don't even know what Proust looks like).

crzzzydaisy asked:
What is on your bedside table?

A reading lamp, a book (Brokeback Mountain), a little Italian ceramic bowl for my miscelleneous jewelry, and a framed quote of a line from a Neruda poem that says "by night, love, tie your heart to mine, and the two together will defeat the darkness."

josh asked:
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Wow, Josh, you got all literal when I asked you to channel your inner Barbara Walters. Next thing you know you'll want to star on a show where you sit on a panel with four other really annoying women. And you'll be wearing something with metallic gold buttons on it. I'm avoiding that tree question, in case you're wondering. I can't pick one. Kind of like that favorite book question up there. Is there a
Celine Dion tree? If there is, that's what I'll pick.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl