Thursday, May 06, 2010

"Dirty Mother- (don't you say that)"

The word of the day yesterday? Mothereffer, and its relations.

I didn't sleep well, which caused me to sleep in. I woke up, looked at the clock and the first word of my day was: muthaheifer!

I had a bunch of errands to run in the morning, and they didn't get done.

I ran out of milk for my cereal, so no breakfast for me.

I went to work and worked my hiney off, got super hungry, and realized I had forgotten to pack my lunch and didn't have time to go out and get anything. Muthernutsack.

Worked until 8pm OMG starving starving starving.

Started to drive home and realized that for some reason, my car wouldn't accelerate past 25 miles an hour.

Car crapped out totally a few miles from the grocery store where they carry all the nice foodstuffs that I NEED RIGHT NOW.

Called Delium to come pick me up.

While waiting for him, I tried to call a tow truck place and my phone ran out of juice. MotherFRACKER.

Delium showed up and I tried the car again, which started and we drove it to my mechanic who is not far away.

Since it was after hours I had to put my key in the mechanic's drop box in the envelopes that they provide, along with a note. I licked the envelope to shut it and PAPER CUT MY FACE. MOTHERSUCKER.

Delium takes me to Whole Foods where I almost cry from happiness.

I get home and eat my only meal of the day. The time is somewhere after 10pm.

I plug my phone in to see that Nordic Boy, who is out of town, has called me about a hundred times and thinks that I am surely dead by now.

Biogirl asks me a dating question and I feel about nine thousand years old when she says "has that ever happened to you?" and my honest response is "probably, but I don't remember." GRANNYEFFER.

On the bright side:

My phone battery didn't die until after I had called my friend to come get me.

My friend is awesome and totally dropped what he was doing to come right away.

Not only that, he made me laugh when he showed up by singing me a heartfelt rendition of "That's What Friends Are For," which come on, I totally had to join in on. There is nothing that will break up life tension than a spontaneous duet.

My friends are the type who will duet with me.

I didn't have to get a tow truck after all, which would have added to the pain in the assness.

When you are that hungry, Whole Foods is sort of heaven.

Nordic Boy cares enough to call me a bunch. He also makes good sympathetic comments about face paper cuts and other such.

Biogirl, knowing that my work day the following day involves my having to drive to three different locations that are scheduled in such a way as to make it impractical for me to ride the bus without cancelling a bunch of things, brings me her car at 11pm and lets me borrow it for the day. Awesome.

I could have paper cut my tongue instead, I suppose.

Still, though. MotherFUKKER. Right?

7 comments:

Rachel said...

"Yikes" -your day.

Kathy said...

Poor thing! I hope you have a GREAT weekend after all that mess. I also have to say that I totally admire the way you can find the bright side in everything.

Anonymous said...

You really should have saved this post for Mothereffer's Day. But I totally applaud how you mined every silver lining you could out of an otherwise textbook role-playing scenario for the patron who walks in after "cumulative precipitating factors" and then loses their motherfracking shit all over the reference desk. Or the Whole Foods counter.

Further proof of your quality humanitude.

On a related note, I am being asked to type "azzliker" in the word verification field below. More silver linings! xok8

dizz said...

wow, total bum-ass day :( but wooop to the fabbie friends who helped you through!

btw, paper cuts: truly evil. I'm forever covered in them from my journal-ing, and they sting like a mother-effer!!

Happy (nearly) weekend!

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Dude. Sorry to laugh so hard at your pain. But, yikes.

cadiz12 said...

wow. terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad INDEED.

but you're totally right about the stuff that could have been worse.

jeanine said...

haha. omg. omg. i nearly peed myself reading this. sorry to laugh at your expense but girl, i ain't ever heard of a papercut on the face. also. muthernutsack? had me in hysterics. so needed this laughter. thank you.