Exit 69 and Other Random Trips

Since Librarian Girl made the trek back to our home state, I figured I'd take you on a little trippy trip down memory lane. I have fond and vivid memories that I need to catch you up on.

First, there are soooo many things I could say about the very "nice" person who she did "it" with. "Nice" is in quotes, because in her diary description of the affair, she described everything about the whole ordeal as being "nice"... his parts, what he said, the music, the mood. But, I've decided to take the high road. I'm keeping it clean and free from sex. So, here's a bunch of random stuff you should know. Oh, by the way, I'm Ali (a.k.a Ali-Slo-fro).

1. I'm not sure why I'm bothering to tell you this, because you just have to see it to fully appreciate it. Her kitchen growing up had this 70's, shiny, foily, orangey, brown and yellow, jungle scene wallpaper with giraffe's. I've never seen anything like it. It's a good thing we weren't pot heads growing up, because I think that wallpaper would've really jacked us up.

2. Tea was always included in visits to Librarian Girl's house. It was always the same kind of tea. It came with a miniature ceramic animal figurine in each box. What was the name of that? Something with Rose in the name? Red Rose? Anyway...So they had a whole zoo of teeny tiny tea animals in the kitchen. It totally worked with the wallpaper.

3. This I can't explain. We were always amused, and even amazed, by the fact that we had the same old-ass garage door openers. This was in high school and it was like everyone else in the world had skipped from Atari directly to the X-Box, but our parents were still clinging to Atari. That's what I liken it to. But they were garage door openers! Who notices this shit? We did for some reason and felt quite connected for having matching ones. When my family got a new garage door, which came with a new opener, I was sad! What the hell is that!? I wonder if her parents still have theirs.

4. She drove a little red car in high school. I think it was some sort of Mazda. It had this bendy plastic doll thingy hanging from the rear-view mirror. We used to bend her into precarious positions... usually sexual.

5. Librarian Girl had BALLS. Big f'ing huge balls (to quote Bugsy Calhoun from Harlem Nights). I mean we were all talkin' a big game, but it was just that. All Talk. She! She had balls. We were in this choir in high school and every year we had Spring concert. It was the concert where we broke free from Mozart, Rutter, and matronly choir robes and sang contemporary songs like "Cherish," by Cool and the Gang, in our coolest trendy outfits. People would sing moving renditions of, "She's Like the Wind," and really cheesy Michael W. Smith songs.

For this concert our director would hire a real live band. This band included a very "nice" musician. (Have you made the connection to the "nice" comment a couple paragraphs up? Clearly, I've taken exit 69 off the high road.) We were all in serious high school lust with said musician. He was older and very cool. All we did was stare at him, and giggle about him, and wonder what he would be like, and fantasize about hanging out with him and being his friend. Next thing we knew Librarian Girl was DATING HIM! We were all flabbergasted and scandalized. I mean she just up and asked his ass out. She immediately rose to legendary status with that move. Man, he sure was nice!

6. OK. Moving on. The Big Wheel. That picture says it all people. She was a bad-ass on that thing. Well, as bad-ass as one can be when you're not allowed to leave the driveway. She was bad! And it was a circle drive. She had territory to cover and she wasn't messin' around. Just look at her face!

7. In Junior High, she was a Michael Jackson super fan. I mean the likes of which you've never seen before. She had a sweatshirt that was down to her knees. This thing was COVERED in Michael Jackson buttons and baubles, pins and paraphernalia. She could bust a move that put Young MC himself to shame.

8. She wasn't kidding when she said her parents are cool. They really are. When we were in High School, they would sit and talk with us, rather that at us. They were always fun and easygoing and so totally the opposite of judgemental. Her mom actually giggles! It's the greatest thing. It's just so refreshing. But then again, so is Librarian Girl!

I don't know how to wrap this up gracefully, so I'll just quote the biggest doofus ever: "Seacrest... Out!"