Looking Out for Number One

I gotta break it down, fellas.

I may not have a lot of things. I don't have a Zac Posen outfit, or an appetite for destruction, or a biological clock (or if I do the ticker is broke), or an understanding of why one would use representations of mallard ducks as a motif in home decor. The list of things I don't have goes on and on. But one thing I do have, friends, is boundaries.

Do you have good boundaries? Think about this. Really think. Because it is my feeling, after thinking about it for oh, maybe a good half hour or so (sufficient time for me to start making proclamations like this), that there is a severe lack of boundary-having among most people. It baffles me. How does this happen? How are people so unaware of what they really want? Why are so many people spending all sorts of time doing shit that they do not want to be doing and could pretty easily get out of? It's rampant.

What if we all had good boundaries? What if you heard people say things like:

You know, thanksgiving at Aunt June's is miserable. I'm not going to Aunt June's for Thanksgiving any more. Even if Aunt June might be a little disappointed, not going would make ME happy, and so I'm doing that.

My friend Jill never calls me. I always have to call her. And chase her around endlessly to try and make plans with her. You know what? I'm going to stop chasing Jill. Honest to god that chick drives me nuts, for reals.

Edwina wants me to attend her bridal shower, and her couples' shower, and her pre-wedding bbq, and her bachelorette party, and her bridal spa weekend, and her wedding. Each event requires a present. I'm just going to the shower and the wedding. Because, really. That's enough.

The above are things that I have absolutely no qualms about thinking to myself and acting upon. I don't even think twice about it. It just comes naturally. I just ask myself some questions: is doing item x making me annoyed, upset, pained, or exhausted? If yes, I need to stop doing item x. JUST SAY NO. It's really pretty easy once you get the hang of it. Try it. PLEASE, for the love of Bailey Quarters, just TRY IT. You'll be happier, I guarantee you. I see this happening all around me, all day, and it makes me so sad. And face it, it makes you sad too. I know it does.

I know it does because when I was younger and stupider-- (yes, people, there WAS a time when I was even stupider although I know this is hard to imagine. But really, I was much, much stupider back in the day. Ask anyone who knew me in college)-- I was a person who was constantly doing shit I didn't want to be doing. I had this relative who lived six hours (by car) away from me. Every holiday, I would get my ass into my beat-up car and drive to her house for the day. Six hours there. Six hours back. Did this relative ever travel to my town? No. Did she thank me for making the trek? Nuh-uh. Never mind that I was a poor student with loads of homework to do, and she had time and money and paid vacation and she was the adult in the situation. I look back at that and think that that was so pathetic of me. Putting all that effort in, for what? So that I could complain about it and feel a little resentful. Do you do that? Be honest. If you do, I-- as your blog friend--am telling you. STOP THAT. Do things because it comes from a place in you that WANTS to. There's enough crap in life that we have to deal with that is completely out of our control, as I've been thinking about these days with what's been up with my dad. Save up the effort in you for those things. Not for dragging yourself to a work-related party with people you don't really like that much. Or whatever your thing is. You know what I'm talking about.

I'm warning you though. If you start doing this, you won't be able to stop. Things that seemed perfectly acceptable to you before (oh ok! I will try and go out on a date with this mediocre dude who has Ken-doll hair and kisses like a salamander!) will no longer fly. And the other thing is, there are times the sheer force of people who are doing crap that they hate will make you feel like you are being a big selfish asshole. What do you MEAN you aren't going to go to your family reunion in Indianapolis because you're using your vacation time for staying at home and getting some much-needed rest? HOW SELF-INDULGENT, YOU ASS.

Go ahead though. Be self-indulgent when you can. Put yourself first. Ask yourself what you want and then do that, when you can. When given a choice, choose you.

Too hard? For the next week, at least, promise me this. Every time you are somewhere you don't want to be, doing something you don't want to do, take note of it. Just notice. And ask yourself why. Life is so short, friends. You gotta just do your thang. Seriously.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl