Birthday Shout Out! Allison, you're up!
Oh my goodness, it's Alli's birthday. I could write a novel about this one, including juicy details, people! This one calls for a list.
1. My first memory of Allison (which is very different than the actual first time I met Allison, as I was too young to remember that), was on the kindergarten bus. She would get on the bus and sit by herself, look out the window, swing her legs, and sing softly. Something in the la la la variety of songs. I thought she was pretty. I remember this as clear as day.
2. In high school, Allison, Map, and various other pals were playing some video game or some such, where you had to type your name onto the screen if you got a high score. When Allison did this, she typed too fast and it came out as "Alisloho." From then on, this was her nickname, because, with the boys, she was kind of slow to make a move. So Alli Slo Ho was just right for her.
3. In 3rd grade, Alli and I began our long history of not being able to shut up around each other. Our teacher had to separate us every day.
4. Around this same time, when I wanted to rile her up, I would taunt her by calling her "Englebert Humperdink." This would make steam come out of her ears. I never knew what triggered that.
5. In middle school, Allison went through a Dawn Weiner phase, where she had glasses and braces, and a serious afro. The awesome part of this fact is that she went through a movie-style transformation over the summer between 8th and 9th grade. You know how, when you're in middle school, you have fantasies of going home over the summer and totally transforming into the school hottie, and coming back to school in the fall to dropped jaws and bugged out eyeballs all around? This actually happened to Allison. It was AWESOME. However, the Dawn Weiner phase is now referred to as the Alli-Slo-Fro era. Seriously, it was an afro.
6. In high school, Allison had a gigantic poster of Milli Vanilli in her bedroom for about a month. Sorry, Allison. You're outed.
7. If you ask Allison who is on Her List, she ALWAYS knows. No hesitation. This girl has thought through her list! Over the years, it has been updated, but number one on her list is always and forever John Cusack. John, you should be so lucky.
7. In 11th grade, we had a student teacher that Allison thought was hawt. Mr. Hawt was one of the coaches for the...baseball team? Softball team? I can't remember. Some team. What I DO remember was this. Map, Allison and I sitting in the bleachers, watching some game, and Allison drooling over Mr. Hawt. This is some of what she said, and believe me, I'm cleaning it up for your delicate eyes out there: "Look at Mr. Hawt. Oh my god, I would so let him do me in a minute. I want him to do me from the front. I want him to do me from the back. He could just do me up one side and down the other." And on and on and on. Now, let me just tell you. Allison was not doing anyone in high school, nor was anyone doing her. This was quintessential teen Big Talk at its finest. Map and I didn't even bat an eye at this tirade. And it's a good thing we didn't, because then it wouldn't have been quite as funny when we all turned around to see Mrs. Hawt sitting one row behind us, trying her best to act like she hadn't heard this and probably thinking Alli was a Fast Ho instead of a Slo one.
Happy Birthday, Alli! You are so much a part of my life, it's like I can't tell where my thoughts and memories end and yours start. When I look at you, it's like looking at myself. In my mind, you're frozen at age 16, and you'll never look any different to me. You still sing to yourself, you still swing your feet when you're sitting, and I still think you're so so pretty. Inside and out.
Allison! My aim is true.
Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Birthday Shout Out! Allison, you're up!
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