Consumables #11

This week!

I read The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, by Aimee Bender. I'm not usually a fan of novels about food, which this one sort of is, at least on the surface. However, this one totally got me. I liked it. You should read it. Trust me, I'm a professional.

Life, on the Discovery Channel
Nordic Boy and I are not big sports-watchers, so when I see people who are, and they yell at the screen, I wonder what the hell is wrong with them. But it turns out that nature shows are what makes Nordic Boy and I yell at the screen. "GRASSHOPPER WATCHIT! CHAMELEON TONGUE IS AFTER YOUR ASS! RUN RUN RUN!" If only they made big foam fingers for nature shows.

America's Next Top Model
FINE yes I still watch this. Last week Tyra was wearing a jumpsuit that, in the awesome words of my friend Hannah, "was like a full body bandaid." This week, another jumpsuit, of the grape variety a la Violet Beauregard. And if I ever use the word "dreckitude" in any way other than to mock Tyra and Andre and all the rest, you all have my permission to cut me out of your life.

Project Runway
At first, I was just SO HAPPY to see Nina and Michael back on the panel this season. And now, week in and week out, I am enraged by their choices. They keep letting shit slide that they never would have in the past. Every week. I don't know when the last time their decisions made any sense to me. But perhaps I just have lost faith ever since I read Nina Garcia's book wherein she said that every woman who has ever worn fishnets is pretty much a raging strumpet and that every woman must own a pair of old-fashioned driving shoes with rubber gussets on the soles. Rubber gussets. A MUST HAVE. Nina, you have totally lost me.

Up In the Air and Parenthood
What might this Academy Award nominated movie and this family tv melodrama have in common, you ask? They both have stars that give you exactly what you want out of them. I want George Clooney to be as George Clooney-ish as possible, and not since his portrayal of Booker on Roseanne does he give us the Full Clooney treatment as he does in this movie. And Parenthood gives us back Lauren Graham acting just as Lorelei Gilmore-ish as we could want. Up in the Air is a better product, but if I have to choose who I have more of a crush on, it's Lorelei. I mean, Lauren. No, actually, it's Lorelei.

The song of the week, for some reason, has been New York Minute, by the Eagles. Nordic Boy had to go and answer some question I had for him regarding how fast something was happening by saying "It's going to happen in a New York Minute." And then I had to reply (and by "had to," I literally HAD TO) by saying "Ooh-eeh-oooh!" And the sick thing is, Nordic Boy knows that if he says the words "New York Minute" that I have to respond this way. Hence, he has been saying it all week. I'm like a dog that hears another dog howl and I have to howl too. Only mine comes out in the form of an Eagles song. Which is a very unfortunate thing to have to admit about oneself.