Chicago

So here's how it went, ya'll.

First off, I sat next to the Grumpiest Couple Ever on the plane ride there. It was funny grumpy. They were in the AARP age bracket, and the woman had her hair in a severe bun with golden glitter chopsticks through it and the man had a red polka dot tie on. However, these cheery, faintly circus-like get-ups could not squelch the grumpyness. When Polka Dots was irritated by something (which was very very often), he would gruffly exclaim "Jesus Christmas!" Over and over with the Jesus Christmas! I wanted to lean over and give him a big fat smooch, just to irritate them further and keep hearing that. I was afraid that Sparkles would stab me with her chopsticks though, so I kept my distance for safety's sake.

After arriving and meeting up with Biology Girl, we drove over to see my college roommate, Ms. Palindrome in lovely Andersonville. The leaves on everything were deliciously crunchy all over her street. (That made it sound like I was eating the leaves, didn't it? I was walking on them, people, just walking). We made a plan for the next day, which included a suggestion from Pal that we go check out the Giant Bean. Ha-wha? I feel like I know Chicago very well, but I ain't never heard of no Giant Bean, Willis. How did I miss that? She insisted that it was more exciting than it sounds. And boy was it ever. How could a Giant Bean be so enticing, so interesting, so lovely? I don't know, but it was. Check it:



There was so little time on this whirlwind trip, I had to choose very wisely the things that I most wanted to see. First on my list was the Art Institute. I've been there a million times, but still, I had to go. You just gotta love those big stone lions that look like they are lifting their tails up to deposit rocky poo poo in front of the doors there. We ate lunch there and then breezed through the modern art galleries after which we had the obligatory Ferris Bueller moment in front of the big Seurat. An aside: museum security guard has got to be up there in terms of the most Boring Job Ever Created. Museums are so quiet, and people just mill around and stare at stuff, and these poor muthas have to watch. Looking at people who are looking at stuff. Yowza.

After that, more sights were seen, shops were shopped, and the wind whipped our asses all over town. We crashed at Pal's house again that night, and when we awoke the next morning, snow was coming down in blowy circles. Pretty, puffy flakes. This caused me to look out the window and say..."oh hell nawwwwww!"

I grew up in the midwest. I adore the midwest. I am a midwestern girl through and through, believe me. Being in Chicago was full of nostalgia and hordes of people who talk just like I do. My people! My town! So you'd think with all the nostalgia, I would feel warm and fuzzy about the snow. I didn't. The one thing I don't like about the midwest is the god damn friggin' stupid assmunch snow. So hells no. Hell to the N-O. You better stop that mess right now. I had a stupid shitty Birthday Week and I came out here for some crispy orangy homestyle autumn to cheer myself up and I mean to have it.

The gods did not forsake me. After about a half hour, as Biology Girl and I ate at delicious M. Henry's, the snow dried up. Chicago still loves me, I knew it.

Coming up next, The Trip, Part Two.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl