Chicago, Part Dos

Ok, so we last left our intrepid heroine fighting back the snowflakes with her super strength in the cold, cold tundra that is Chicagoland.

The next part of the trip involved getting Biology Girl checked into her hotel, which was booked in advance for her by the folks that had invited her to Chicago in the first place for their bridal nuptuality. The wedding was to be in a 'burb in Southwest Chicago, which is far beyond my knowledge of the city. The hotel that was booked for her was in a town called Alsip, which, after we'd seen it, we forever after called Ass-lip. Although the hotel itself was ok- your standard Doubletree in suburbia, the surrounding hinterlands of Ass-lip had much to be desired. For example, there was a motel down the street from us that advertised its claim to fame: a "4 hour nap, only $28!" A 4 hour nap, people. Egregiously smutty, no? How dare they even try to euphemistically call it a NAP? Honey, please. If you're going to dress it up, call it a Three Hour Tour, only $28. At least that's got a little pizzaz. Up the block from that was a store that was called simply: "Nut and Candy." Nut, singular. So there, I'm assuming that one buys a nut and some candy. But more than one nut, and you're outta luck, buster. Down the street from this, there was another motel with a sign that advertised "Coin operated, mirrored waterbeds." You see what kind of stuff is going down (ahem) in Ass-lip? Although I do thank that last motel for providing Biology Girl and I with much conversation about the appeal of the coin operated bed. Do you really want to be vibrated out of your teeth while getting freaky deaky with your lovah? I'm going on record to say that it don't sound so good. But what do I know?

So we drove down to Ass-lip, checked her into the Doubletree, and then readied ourselves for a night out on the town. Now, you know I am in serious Friend-Love with Biology Girl. In my eyes she can do no wrong. But everyone, hear me on this one. This girl can take a long ass time to get ready to go somewheres. She'll be the first to admit this, so I am not outing her here. I'm just saying, it's LOOOONG. The funny thing about this is that she is naturally gorgeous. And when she is done with the gussying up, she still looks naturally gorgeous. And there is irony in this. The reason being, if you look at me, and then you look at her, I would most definitely be judged as looking to be The High-Maintenance One. When I go out, I have make-up on. Lipstick and everything. My hair is done. I am accessorized. And yet. I had one sandwich-bag-sized baggie that held all of the accoutrements for my toilette. And dear, dear Biology Girl has a bag the size of a large toaster, and it's packed to the gills! She even amazes herself with it. "Look at all this stuff!" she says, showing me her bursting toiletries. "What IS all that stuff???" I say. "I don't know! But I use all of it!" she replies. You heard me right. She doesn't KNOW. But she uses all of it. This is the enigma that is Biology Girl, people.

Anyhoo. After the hour or two of getting ready for the evening (yes, I said the hour or two. I wasn't kidding up in that last paragraph), we embarked back to the city for a Bachelorette Party. I admit I had my qualms about going to this party, as I don't know any of the people (they're all Biology Girls' comrades from California), and this shit was long. As in, nine hours long. A nine hour long party! What is this, Caligula?

So I won't go into the details of the party, because it would take me nine hours to recap the nine hours of revelry. There were presents, and sushi, and manicures, and drinkies, a swanky bar, dancing, a drag show, and everyone busted out their fancy shoes. And there was lots of this: "woo-hoo! whoooo!" That was the sound of the evening. Glasses raised, arms around each others' shoulders, and a big hearty dose of "whooooo! whoo-hooooooo!!!" Now, don't get me wrong. I can woo-hoo with the best of them. When I get the spirit in me, I whoop it up like crazy. But, it's funny to be in the position of being the Party Guest that No One Knows. Because it feels funny to whoo-hoo then. The rest of the group, they are close friends, they are celebrating their bridal sister, they are Feeling The Love. So it makes sense for them to whoo-hoo. But me? On the outskirts of the group? Trying my best to do a nice "hi, I'm Librarian Girl, nice to meet all of you." How am I to bust into a random whoo-hoo? I just couldn't. It seemed so...forward. How am I gonna say "so what's your name? Good to meet you. And what do you do? Whoo-hoooo!!!"

So after the longest party ever, Biology Girl and I hauled ass back to Ass-Lip and got some shut-eye by 3:30am. THAT is the point of the day when I was most likely to whoo-hoo.

Up next, Chicago, the Final Chapter...

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl