Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Things that were said by yours truly within the last few days in front of normal, well-adjusted people. A list.

At a party:
Party goer: So I was thinking about doing this cleanse. It's lemonade, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper.
Me: Oh yeah! Pepa just did that cleanse on her reality show. Salt thought it was stupid. That Salt and Pepa! Always disagreeing.
(stares from party goers)
Me: Sorry. You were saying?

At another party:
Party-goer: Things just aren't the same any more at work.
Me: Yeah, it's like when Leonardo Di Caprio showed up on Growing Pains. It's like Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch. You know it's just never going to be the same.
Party goer #2: Hey, what's up?
Me: We were just talking about Growing Pains.
Party goer #1: And my work situation.
Me: Oh, yeah. And that.

In a car full of people:
Passenger #1: You have to turn left at the yield sign up there.
Me: Yield! Yield before Zod!
Me: You know...Superman? Kneel before Zod? Oh never mind.

At another party (yes, I went to a lot of parties this weekend):
Me: So, I'm really glad that our library is moving in that direction.
Co-worker: I'd love to hear more of your opinion on that. Can you explain what you mean?
Me: No, not really. I don't really know what I'm saying right now. I'm just, you know, trying to make conversation.
Her: Oh.

I know. I should really be giving conversation lessons. It's so clearly my calling.

I'm out,
Librarian Girl


Jan Ross said...

I would have laughed OUT LOUD at your "Yield Before Zod" comment. But then I am a pop culture geek too. And the Zod in "Smallville" is very clear in my memory.

Anne said...

Ok, I just laughed out loud, would have milk come out my nose if I had been drinking any, about your yield before Zod comment. Shows what a big geek I am, I guess.

french panic said...

I will sign up for your conversation lessons. I would much rather make small talk about the impact of Leo within the Growing Pains family dynamic than the weather, which is what all the other folks seems to get so excited about.

Josh said...

I feel like you should have your own 30 second show mini-show in between shows on TBS called "LG Ruins the Conversation!"

Your theme song would go:
"When the talk is flowin'/things are really goin'! (bum bum bum) LG ruins the conver-sation!"

And then it'd cut to you doing one of your awkward conversation killers.

It'd be a hit!

Melinda said...

If you said any of those things to me at a party I would know immediately that we were soulmates, and I would swoop you into my car and drive you to Massachusetts so I could marry you. I hope that's not too forward.

Dallas Diaries said...

LOL your last library comment made me laugh out loud! At work! people think im crazy now!

Anonymous said...

my bf experiences the same kind of pain at work. it's like none of his coworkers owned a tv in the 80s or went the movie theater. and they are all in their 30s and 40s so there is no excuse for their total lack of pop culture exposure.

Chris Cactus said...

Awesome. You are quite the conversationalist.

Jen said...

It's like Pop Culture Tourette's.

I make similar jokes - far less funny, but equally unappreciated because I work with teenagers who weren't even a twinkle in someone's pants in the 80s. (And how old am I that I can now use that expression?)

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

ok what is up with people talking about their "cleanse" I mean we all know what they are talking about and it ain't pretty. When did it become ok to drop this into polite conversation? I'm SO not ok with this. I need a plan, I'm not taking it anymore, I've got to come up with a reply that let's people know that it's not ok!

Anonymous said...

I totally laughed out loud at this post. My favorite is the Salt n Pepa one. I would also sign up for your conversation lessons!