Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I'm Bringin' LYLAS Back

This, everyone, is the cover of a little autograph book that I own. It was seeing action when I was in 7th grade. Having this memento gives me joy, and as I am known for doing, I have to share this particular brand of embarrassing joy with you, my blog friends. What do these autographs say about my 7th grade self? What do they say about my peers? Join me, won't you?

"You've been a great friend to me. I hope we stay friends forever. Watch yourself with those boys. Stay cool! Keep smiling. --April LYLAS."

This one's pretty boring, but I included it because I have to wonder who "Rodney" is-- was he some sort of logo? Was she a 12-year-old marketing genius, branding her signature at an early age? I suppose we'll never know. I also included this page to illustrate the omnipresent LYLAS emblazoned across the bottom of the page. LYLAS. We need to bring that back. Promise me, the next time you sign any sort of document (mortgage payment, bar tab, what have you), you will write "LYLAS" in the corner.

"You are wild. Stay that way. Have fun in the future. --Jeanne"

Oh my god. I am wild. So says Declarative Sentence Girl. She's totally a robot. So very succinct. Beep. Boop. Beep.

"You're a great friend, you're also intelligent, sweet, and pretty. You have a couple faults but then everybody does. Stay the way you are and you'll go far in life. Good luck in everything you do!"

OH SNAP. What kind of shit is THAT? Ouch.

"To a super cool dude that I like a lot. To a great racket ball partner. The generic one is making me mad. She is such a jerk. Well the sub is watching. See ya later."

The "generic one"! I love it. It's like Voldemort- she whose name cannot be spoken. I wonder who the generic one was? And how it came to be that the insult in fashion was to call someone GENERIC. So poetic. Oh, and another thing? I AM NOT A DUDE.

"I knew I signed it I don't know what happened to it I wouldn't know Love your sister ? Sheryl"

What is with the question mark? And why was she calling herself my sister? And the message- is it me or does it not make any sense? I think this one was a little boozy suzy, if you know what I'm saying.

"I'll try not to say oooopssy!! Yep yep yep ahh hahh ahh hahh!! See you and Gino next summer! Love Shasha"

Oh, dear. Shasha. I think that, actually, she NEEDS to say oooopssy. Because reading that makes me want to say oooopssy. Yep yep yep.

"To a super and to my best friend. We have had our disagreements but we had gotten over them (resently!) You are the most coolest and wild gal i have ever know. You are a sweet etc. person! And stay the same! You can change just a little! Well I better rap it up, ok, Bye-Bye. Luv ya, Poopy. PS Stay cool baby! Vanity. William."

Holy smokes. First of all why did I have a best friend named Poopy? I honestly don't remember calling her that, you guys. Maybe that was the disagreement that is referenced here? I was calling her Poopy and she was having a hard time accepting this? My other question is, what is with the cartoon eyes labeled "Vanity"? And who the hell is William? I wish, I WISH I could remember what that meant.

"Hey Bud How have you been well I have to go talk to my fans. Reuben 2000"

Ok either Reuben was not expecting to graduate until the year 2000, or he was ahead of his time and adopting 2000 as a part of his name. You know, like Andre 3000 of Outkast. Even with the weird signature, I totally love this message. If any of you ever ask me to sign anything, I am totally writing this.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl


Anonymous said...

These entries are cracking me up! I'll never forget how someone wrote in my 7th grade yearbook, "Have a great summer, and get some boobs!" Funny thing is, I already had boobs. Someone who I'm still friends with wrote, "You are the meanest girl I know," and it was meant to be a compliment. I'm not proud of that one.

Anonymous said...

are you sure that a William wasn't calling YOU "Poopy" or did you go to an all girl's school? Ah, I seem to remember your saying that you did, come to think of it ;)

french panic said...

Love You Like A Shit?
Leave You Laughing And Stupid?
Like You Learned Anything Sucka?

Maven said...

We had some LYLAS going on, but there was a lot more LDNQ: "love dearly, not queerly." I wonder where my Garfield autograph book is. Probably in my parents' attic...

Leah said...

My best friend got married last summer and when I was writing my speech, I dug up a box of notes we'd written each other back in middle school. We had code names for everyone (no "generic one" but we did have a "she-devil") so the notes make no sense to me because I can't remember who we were referring to.

Katie Kiekhaefer said...

I looove this post, particularly the teen girl/teen boy handwriting and those ridiculous messages. I still remember what one classmate wrote in my 7th grade yearbook: "You're kind of weird but I guess you're your own person, which is kind of cool." Nice, right?

Sauntering Soul said...

This is so funny! I'm about to begin the process of cleaning out closets and finally unloading books out of boxes that I've never gone through in the 3 years I've lived in my present place. Now I can hardly wait to see what I might find!

My parents are in the process of divorcing and we're going to have to soon clean out the house they've lived in for 27 years so they can sell it. I may just hit a gold mine on funny stuff from my past when we get to the attic and basement.

Melinda said...

Ok, seriously? I needed this. I have not laughed so hard in a long time...

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT. I love how "generic" was such an insult. Back when everything was "random". Thanks for the laugh!!!!!

french panic said...

Seriously. I apparently missed the whole autographing acronym thing and I have no idea what LYLAS stands for and I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of days just thinking about it. I'm breaking out in a cold sweat right now.

Love You Like A Sister?
Leaking Yellow Liquid Ain't Sissy?
Lovin Yer Lovely Ass, Sistah?

Anonymous said...

Oh my...once again, you have my smiling like a madman at the reference desk...but only because the crazy, insane laughter that I really wanted to engage in would have been highly inappropriate.

cadiz12 said...

i wonder if shasha still uses the word oooopsssy in everyday language today. i wonder if she even remembers she ever did.

i never thought to think before i wrote in those things. until the time i left a meandering (and sort of nasty) sermon about not becoming a lemming in college to someone who ended up writing in mine that i was the ray of sunshine in his day.

i still cringe about that one a little.

Jen said...

I was never one for LYLAS, but you would catch me writing all manner of other goofy girly deliciousness in middle and high school.

Then, when I watched the first episode of Felicity, I felt vindicated that I never wrote anything so awkwardly open and earnest as Ben did which is what got them in all that mess anyway. :)

Anonymous said...

OMG, those are awesome! I totally laughed out loud at the "you have a couple faults" one. EVERY YEAR there was always one total beeyotch who would add a disclaimer in my yearbook. Who DOES that? But there was always one. People are weird.

S.W.A.K., have a bitchin' summer!

Anonymous said...

i m with my lylas
bad hanwriting