Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Let's Pretend

Oh my gosh, I am so boring this week. I start to post and then realize that I GOT NOTHING, people. I'm spent. How's this? Yesterday, during a meeting, a colleague did a book review of Maybe, by Brent Runyon (the guy who wrote The Burn Journals). She said this new book was about a teen boy, and there was lots of sex in it. "Well," I whisper to Jen sitting next to me, "if the book has sex in it, I'm glad it's not called The Burn Journals." Then we giggled for like, five minutes. It was funny, trust me.

Like I said, I got nothing.

So, to keep up with all ya'll reading this, I will go back into the annals of my life and come up with something. Hey, want to hear something embarrassing? Of COURSE you do. So check this one out.

I got in a fistfight once because of Erik Estrada.

What is the most shocking part of that sentence? That I, your peacenik, oh-so-lady-like and laidback Librarian Girl actually got into a brawl? I know. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Or is the Erik Estrada thing the jaw dropper? Hard to choose, right?

So when I was a little kiddie, my all-time favorite thing to do was "play pretend." It was simple. Pretend you are someone else. Go ahead, right now. As you're reading, pretend you are...a monchichi. Just imagine it. There. You're playing the game. When I played pretend, I would make up characters and run around by myself and act them out. Many times they were people from tv or movies. Charlie's Angels was a favorite. I was always Kelly Garrett, my favorite Angel. After a while, I wanted to act out scenes with dialogue, and so I had to play multiple parts. For example, at my house, my parents had those light switches that are flat, so you can turn the light on and off with a flat hand. This was perfect for playing Happy Days. As The Fonz, I would turn the lights on with a tap of my fist on the light switch. Then I would pretend to chew gum and stick my hip out like Pinky Tuscadero. Both. Two people was easy enough. Throw Ralph Malph or Jenny Piccolo in, and things got a little too complicated for my 8-year-old mind.

This is when I started to involve my friends. I would wait for the right moment, and then shout out "let's play pretend!" and the fun would begin. The neighborhood kids totally went for it. We would play out elaborate scenes and I could be Penny in Good Times without having to worry about trying to play J.J. at the same time.

So here's where it went south. I had a neighborhood nemesis. She was my Nellie Oleson. She was BOSSY. And just for poetic irony, her name was Angel. Not even kidding you. So this one day, the neighborhood kids and I were going to put on a little play for ourselves. The genius of this play was that we were going to MIX ALL THE SHOWS. So Julie from the Love Boat could interact with Mr. Kotter! Greg Brady could date Velma from Scooby-Doo! It was all good. All we had to do was pick what parts we wanted to play. Enter Angel. She started to ASSIGN parts. And when she got to me, the mastermind of this whole shindig, she pointed at me and said "YOU are Erik Estrada from Chips!"

Me: Oh no I'm not!
Her: You totally are! You're Erik Estrada!
Me: But I don't wanna be Erik Estrada!

This is where I got violent. Me, look like Erik Estrada? Oh hells no, you better step off!

I think I took a menacing step towards her, although I don't really remember. What I DO remember, is her putting her fists up and rolling around tauntingly on her rollerskates, saying "What? You want to hit me, ERIK? Go ahead, ERIK!"

And I swear to god, I went apeshit on her. My inner Bill Bixby turned into my outer Lou Ferrigno. I stepped right up to her and punched her right in the gut. That's right. I DID. I'm from the STREETS, SUCKAS!

Ok, so it wasn't really a brawl. After that one punch, she went down. And then she ran home. And I got to be Wonder Woman, just like I wanted. The show must go on.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl


Anonymous said...

I wonder if that kind of thing happens in Hollywood casting? I LOVED this story! Does this mean you won't go with me when CHiPs hits the big screen?

Sphincter said...

I never got to be Pinky T. Also, as the youngest on the block, I always got the uncoolest fake gun for playing Charlie's Angels. It was blue plastic.

Marigoldie said...

Oh hell yeah.


(that's my Leather Tuscadero sign-off, for those not in the know)

Anonymous said...

OMG. That girl totally deserved to be punched for the Erik Estrada comment. And I'm impressed at the ease with which you dispatched her, I would've gone home and cried with my tail between my legs. What a great story!

Librarian Girl said...

Marty, that would have been my normal behavior too. I can't explain why Erik Estrada was the magic button that got me NUTS.

Desperate Housewife said...

I once got into a fight because of Erik, too! My friend and I were pretending Ponch and Jon were our boyfriends, and we both wanted Ponch.
We also fought over Shawn Cassidy. Neither us was were interested in Parker Stevens.

Anonymous said...

When I was in second grade, we played V on the know, the short-lived NBC series about aliens who were lizards? I played Charles...don't ask me why I still remember this. I reccently had the chance to watch V:The Series again...and almight Jehosaphat, was it bad! Sometimes childhood memories are better left as memories.

(I just had a brief mental flash of me playing Wonder Woman too as a kid...why do I share these embarrassing things publicly?)

Desperate Housewife said...

Oohhhhh! V! With the mice-eating, face-ripping-off-to-reveal-a-lizard-face aliens!

Librarian Girl said...

We called our 8th grade social studies teacher "V" because of that show. I know, that's mean. But he was meaner.

Anonymous said...

That Angel was always such a crotch.

Librarian Girl said...

Anonymous- are you being sarcastic or are you someone from the old neighborhood????? Because, seriously, if you remember Angel and that incident? That would make my whole week.

Anonymous said...

Dude, she was just jealous of your mad imagination skillz.

I'm glad we can retain those, but we (most of us anyway) don't retain the capability for extreme cruelty of children.

Rude Cactus said...

Okay, that's an awesome story. I mean, violence is bad but violence attributable to Erik Estrada and a devotion to CHiPs is noble.

Katie Kiekhaefer said...

So this is slightly off topic but have you seen the creepy commercials with Celine Dion lately? I don't know what the product is but there's a family who is awakened by some lady hauntingly singing a christmas tune. They all walk downstairs and what do they find but Celine lounging seductively in a red satin-y (or was it velvet? :)) low cut number. I flinched and then thought of you :)

Darlene said...

AHAHAHAH Okay, that's too funny! Who the heck did miss 'Angel' think she was busting into YOUR game and making the rules! She deserved the ass whooping.