Sunday, December 03, 2006

Gotta Represent

I'm just now re-looking at my avatar over there in the sidebar. Me, in suitably warm-weather clothing. Nice. In front of the library, to signify, you know, the whole librarian thing. But why the boom box? To indicate that I carry a boom box around like I think I am Ozone in Electric Boogaloo? (Which I don't, just to be clear). To indicate that I, um, like music? Everyone likes music, genius. And then there's that crow in the corner. I am an animal-lover, it's true. And I always thought that that author photo that's on the book jacket of Louise Erdrich's Birchbark House is the best author photo I've ever seen: she's sitting there all beautiful and she's got a big ass crow sitting on her head. Really, she does! It rocks. So maybe that's what I was thinking of when I picked that crow. But now that I'm looking at it...what is that stuff under the crow? Worms? Dirt? Some sort of poo-poo material? Oh, nuh-uh. I can NOT be having bird shit representing me!

You know what this avatar stuff reminds me of? Senior pictures. Those photos your senior year in high school, where you wear outfits that scream out your identity and get wallet-sized copies that you hand out by the hundreds? I love those things. I still have most of the senior pics that were given to me. I treasure them. They are so...awful. (If I have your senior picture in my possession, be aware that I may be about to talk shit about you. Rest assured that I will talk shit about myself immediately following, so at least that's fair, right?) I have this photo of Kristi. Lovely girl, Kristi was, despite the frosted pink lipstick and the turquoise mascara. Her photo, however, shows her with her back facing the camera. She is looking over her left shoulder, and her right hand is clutching this same left shoulder. I implore you, when in life does anyone ever assume this position? Then there is Jason. Jason, who came to school most days in a flannel shirt over a t-shirt, and was a cutie. Yet, in my photo of him that I carry this many years later, his hair is all plastered down and he is sporting a Dr. Huxtable sweater and is leaning his chin on his closed fist. He looks like a dude in an 80s Sears catalogue. I have a photo of Christine lying on her belly in a field of grass, resting her chin on a soccer ball, her permed hair cascading down on either side of it like a set of curtains. Then you have the few people who actually look good in their photos. I have the cutest picture of Map. She's wearing jeans, and a red sweater, and she's sitting there on a chair with her legs crossed. She looks like...herself. Pretty. And then there's my photos of Jeff. Jeff was the senior boy that I was obsessed with in 10th grade. Biggest stalker crush I've ever had in my whole life to this day. And his photo is such a comfort to me, because I can look at it and say "yes. I was not imagining it. He was hott."

So my photos. Let's start out with what is positive about them. I did not have a perm, nor did I have a plume of bangs that were Aussie spritzed to kingdom come. Actually, I had no bangs at all. I went through the entire decade of the 80s in the bangs-heavy midwest, and I never had bangs! I don't know how I accomplished this. So, yay for me and my au natural hair. Second. I did not have weird settings for my photos. No sitting on a giant wagon wheel for me. No posing in front of a Trans-Am. I am however, in one of my photos, inexplicably leaning up against a white wicker box. Why, I couldn't tell you. (And yes, I know that these photos don't have heads. It's symbolic, ok?)

Ok, let's break it down, shall we? Note the shoulder pads, as I'm sure you already have. And the dress-shorts! I don't know if you can tell from this photo, but those puppies are white corduroy shorts. With a pleated front. Oh yessss. And those shoes. Those effin' silver metallic flats that I wore with pride. But you haven't seen the best one. The piece de resistance.


Oh BABY. Yes you are seeing this correctly. I have props! I am senior-pictures-with-props girl! Oy vey. I distinctly remember the photographer asking me what my interests were. I must have answered with something vaguely arty, dancey, drama-ish. She went ahead and busted out the paint-spattered drop cloth and the (oh dear drunk Danny Devito) comedy and tragedy masks. And believe me, I ATE THAT CRAP UP. I loved it. You know, there's a reason why photographers have you say "CHEEZ."

Ok, my avatar in the sidebar doesn't look so bad now. Apparently, by my standards set forth so long ago, bird shit is right up my alley.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Neighbor! Do you still have that pink sweater? You know I have a matching one from my first date with Neighbor B. We should play dress-up sometime!

Christine said...

good lord you're hilarious.

I have this senior photo in my blue denim overalls and blue suede jack purcells and I look totally like myself...except for the fact that I'm SQUATTING and I have my hands on my hips. Now sure, I've squatted before, behind bushes, while I'm digging for clams, but never do I have my hands on my hips while doing so. It completely throws you off balance. And I even remember having trouble keeping my balance in the photography studio. And yet there I am for all posterity in a highly irregular stance, smiling away and wondering how the hell that could possibly look attractive...

Mr. Toast said...

It's funny you posted about avatars today, because I was just checking yours out yesterday. I'm not kidding. I figured the boom box represented your love of music, but the crow stumped me. In fact, it was actually sort of disturbing and I was about to write and ask "what's up with that crow?" Is this some kinda "The Stand" demon-shit, or is the spirit of Alfred Hitchcock living in Avatar Land, or what's going on here?? I mean you gotta admit after that whole Celine Dion freakiness, anything is possible.

So I'm glad you wrote about it and cleared it all up. I can sleep comfortably now. Good night.

Librarian Girl said...

Christine- You have GOT to be kidding me. Maybe these photographers are just fucking with us all, getting a laugh out of the shit they make us do.

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HA

I heart this post! Are those white keds and rolled up jean shorts I see in the bottom picture! No one puts baby in the corner!

Anonymous said...

I second your love for avatars and senior pics, so disgustingly fun!

I am inexplicably dressed like a cowgirl in one of my senior pics: denim vest, white t shirt, blue skirt with a handkerchief pattern on it, standing in front of a big ol' wagon wheel. So hot!

Unknown said...

So I also had a pair of those corduroy dress shorts. But since I grew up on the East Coast, mine were worn with knee sock. Hott.

Melinda said...

Man, you have PERFECTED that chillin-out-maxin-relaxin arm resting on the knee pose. You should apply for a patent or something.

Sphincter said...

Oh, those 80s sweaters. There's one in my own senior photo, I must confess. Along with a bad perm. Dear jeebus, what were we all thinking?

Sauntering Soul said...

OMG. I can't stop laughing. I am possibly guilty of thinking pink frosted lipstick and turquoise eyeshadow looked smashingly good together. Especially when worn with a neon mesh shirt of some sort.

Man I missed out. My mom made me dress up for my senior pic so I'm wearing a very classic skirt, blouse and heels in mine. But then there are the ones with the black drape/cape thingies. Just thinking about how many other people's nasty bodies that thing had touched before I put it on gives me shivers.

I may have to steal this idea and do something similar on my blog. Would you mind?

Librarian Girl said...

S. Soul:

Oh please, honey! Share the badness! Do tell!

WDL said...

two words.

hi - larious.


Gotta love dated fashion.


just wait til it makes a comeback, and our grandkids are all "can I wear that oversized sweat shirt?" and we're all "those were the days".

hehehe

Anonymous said...

So, that's a walk down memory lane, thinking about senior pictures. Mine -- some were taken by a fake grafitti wall AND a mini coke machine. WHA!?!?!? You gotta wonder what I was thinking! And, in my yearbook pose, my earrings are as big as my hair! Ug.

--Ang, www.asmalltowngirl.com

Marigoldie said...

Aussie spritzed to kingdom come...

This post has made my day, and ditto what Melinda says; you're quite natural in these.

In mine, I've got thick, hot-rolled (or what we called doo-doo rolled) hair, and I'm clasping the edge of a wicker chair that's spray-painted white. My class ring and cheap Florida bracelet are prominent. And the paint on the wicker chair is visibly chipped.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I too rocked this pose in my senior pic. My fashion wasn't particularly tragic--in fact, the shirt I'm wearing is one I still love and wish I had--but I did have on Birkenstocks and slightly rolled up, slightly tapered jeans.

Anonymous said...

Dude. Kristi and I went to the same photographer. Urgh. Did she have a white feather-y boaesque neckline too? Double Urgh.

Katie Kiekhaefer said...

It's your face! Well, half of your face... either way, love the pics :) I hated my senior pictures when I was a senior--one of the worst included me sitting (barely) on a gazebo handrail. Still, thanks for sharing the madness--I loved your silver flats :)