Relax, Don't Do It

Ask anyone I work with about me, and one of the traits they will undoubtedly mention is that I am laid back. A go-with-the-flow kind of person. I try to refrain from saying "it's all good" because it's kind of lame, but it's hard, because that's how I feel about things at work most of the time. It's all good. No worries. It's cool. Not a problem. I don't know, maybe it's cultural. My tropical background is certainly prone to this type of zen-like acceptance of circumstances. It's a good trait for a librarian to have, because of the stressed out, loony tunes, kookoo for cocoa puffs people we sometimes have to deal with. A couple of days ago, after a particularly rude patron was beaten into submission by my pearly whites, a co-worker sang me "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole with new lyrics: "Unflappable...that's what yooo are..."

There are those situations that get my blood ter boiling, however. Few and far between, but there are times when I feel like I want to unleash that inner alien out of the center of my torso so it can gnaw the nose off that beef-witted miscreant in front of me, fo sho. I still manage to keep my professional face on, but my everloving goat can get got. One of my triggers that takes me to the dark side happened yesterday. Some dude lingers around the desk for a while, looking at me without really looking at me. Finally, he comes over and leans his smarmy self in and says "can you get me a copy of the ...Kama ...Sutra?" drawing the words out with relish. Vinegary, pickled, nasty relish. As I look it up, I know he's going to start in with the questions about whether I'm "familiar" with that work. Sigh.

This is where I have to take a deep breath and count to ten. Why does this get to me? Other patrons are often more overtly mean, rude, aggressive, crazy. This dude is just kind of annoying. He's not even really scary or anything. But yet I'm fighting the urge to kick him in the teeth. Why?

It's just all so...tired. The Kama Sutra? Are you kidding me with that? Do you honestly think that this is the first time that I've heard this? You see my brown face and think I'm going to be your guru of love and teach you about tantric sex? What do I look like, Sting? Push on, sucka. That's the best you can do? I've heard it a million times. Let's play a new song, shall we?

Hmmm. That's weird. I guess what I'm saying is-- he's not being creative enough? That it's not so much the drooly skankiness of it all, but it's the fact that I've heard that one a million times? Is that really what I'm saying? I guess it is. If you're gonna leer in my beer, show me something new. Give me some entertainment value. Give me a show stopper. If you're going to be an ethnophile and objectify me for my exotic appeal alone, do a little tap dance along with it so at least it's interesting. Throw in a punchline. Something. The Kama Sutra thing needs to be retired. Seriously.

When I was in college, this guy on the street asked me where I was "from". I told him, and he decided to give me a Barry-White-voiced response with "I knew it had to be some place tropical like that. 'Cause you look like a mango: sweeeeeeeet." Now that's what I'm talking about. Still kind of annoying, yes. But no frothy-mouthed, red-eyed rage welling up in my chest. No knickers in a twist over it. It doesn't bounce me out of my usual laid back, low blood pressure state of mind that I live in 99% of the time. And I like it like that. It's cool, no worries, no problem.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl