No Scoop for You!

When I was little, there was this thing that little girls like I was would do when we would go swimming at the neighborhood pool. It was just called "tea party." You got with your friends and swam to the bottom of the pool, and then sat in a circle on the pool floor for a second or two. I always thought of this as maybe the dumbest game ever. There were many things about swimming that I never really understood, in terms of fun levels. This was on the top of that list. Why was that supposed to be fun?


Anyway, when you're a kid, the bottom of the pool seems like a far place to get to. And in that few seconds when you sit on the bottom of the pool, everything about being up on dry land seems like another world entirely.

I don't know how to explain the last two weeks, but that is what it felt like to me. Like I was in another place, totally disconnected from my real life. Dunked in vacation. Mostly in a good way. Mostly.

And now...I'm back. It feels really sudden. What am I supposed to be doing again? Making sure my bills are paid? Going grocery shopping? Showing up for work where I am responsible for stuff? Whut?

On Saturday night, I went out for dinner and drinks with some ladyfriends of mine. After the drinky dinnery fun, a few of us decided to walk over to Molly Moon's ice cream place for a scoop. As usual for that place, the line was out the door, with people leisurely soaking up the last bits of summer night weather, chatting, laughing, just having a peaceful night. As were we. Until we got to the front of the line and were immediately shoved into CRAZYTOWN.

There were two scooping professionals, a man and a woman. And they were screaming at people! About ice cream procedure!

Woman: I CAN HELP THE NEXT PERSON OVER HERE!

My friend Jen walked over to her. Since Biogirl and I were paying together, we waited for the next station to be open. Um, wrong idea.

Man: (pointing at Jen and looking at us) ARE YOU WITH HER?
Us: Nope, we're paying separately.
Man: BUT ARE YOU WITH HER???
Us: Um, no?
Man (accusingly, stil pointing at her) ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP TO THAT WOMAN WHATSOEVER?

Us: Well, uh, yes, we know her, I mean, we came in together, I...

Man: (pointing at us) YOU NEED TO GET OVER THERE WITH HER!!

So we ran over there. And I mean we ran. Because we were frightened.

But when we got there, the other lady was doing the same shit!

Woman: (rapid fire talking with a megaphone voice) DO YOU NEED A TASTE OF SOMETHING?
Biogirl: The peach basil flavor, please.
Woman: (to me) AND YOU!? DO YOU NEED A TASTE OF SOMETHING?
Me: No, I--
Woman: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Me: Um, I, oh! I guess, um,

Dudes, this is when we all started to laugh. Me, Jen, and Biogirl, that is. The lady did not laugh. She looked like she wanted to kill us all for holding up the superfasticecreamline.

Me: Strawberr--
Woman: CUP OR CONE?
Me: Cup?
Woman: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Biogirl:

Biogirl hesitated for maybe 4 seconds. Jen and I nervously giggled at each other, but inside I was like Biogirl for the love of GOD please say a flavor or we are TOAST.

Biogirl: Chocola--
Woman: CUP OR CONE?
Biogirl: Cup! I think! I don't know! Cup!

When this was done, we ran out of there with our ice creams. This was like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, except scarier. I mean, really. "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP TO THAT WOMAN WHATSOEVER?" What type of ice cream related scenario could ever warrant that statement to be said at all, much less in a Jack Nicholson you-can't-handle-the-truth bark?

It was weird, you guys.