She's Mighty Convincing

It's a birthday post for Biology Girl! What kind of embarrassing story do I choose to share on this, my sister-friend's birthday? There are a lot of things I can say about Biology Girl, that's for sure. She's loving (for my 29th birthday she bought me twenty nine presents), she's stylish (although one time she almost answered the door to a dinner party that she was throwing with the back hem of her skirt tucked firmly into her undies), and when she and I go shopping together, people tend to give us free items. Who wouldn't love a girl like that? She is endlessly lovable. Ask anyone.

However, if any of you out there ever meet up with Biology Girl, I feel it is my duty to tell you something about her, and it is this. If she, at any time, becomes ardently hardheaded about a debatable position, you can bet that what she is telling you is the exact opposite of factual. Really, I know it will be difficult, when the moment comes. This girl, who is normally so sociable and easygoing, will at some point become obstinate, uncompromising, and downright single-minded on some point of contention, and it will seem almost impossible to refute what she is saying. You'll think to yourself "she sounds so SURE. She must know what she's talking about." Nope. Just remember what I'm telling you. There is an inverse relationship between the stridency of her arguments and the chances that what she is saying is true. The more she believes that she is right, the more wrong she most likely is. Got it?

Exhibit A:
The first documented case of this quality came some years ago, when Biology Girl was in college and rooming with Jenny. A song was playing on the radio. Jenny entered the room. Upon hearing the song, Jenny made a statement to Biology Girl: "Oh! The Cowboy Junkies!" To which Biology Girl, her voice dripping with disdain, responded: "DOUBT IT." The tone that accompanied these two words was so strong, so confident, that Jenny immediately thought "oops, guess it's not the Cowboy Junkies. How could I have been so wrong?" Of course, we all came to find out later that it was indeed the Cowboy Junkies. Given some distance from the situation, Biology Girl had to concede the point. But in the moment, there was no question. Anyone would have believed her. That's how strong it comes across. In just two words-- "DOUBT IT"--Jenny yielded knowledge of one of her favorite bands. See what I mean?

Exhibit B:
One day, Nordic Boy, Neighbor J, Biology Girl and I were driving somewhere. Neighbor J was telling us a story about a trip she had taken to Mount Saint Helens and the Visitor Center, where she had learned about the people who had died there during the eruption in 1980.

Biology Girl: So sad that President Harry Truman died there.
The Rest of Us: What?
Biology Girl: President Harry Truman. He died on Mount Saint Helens.
Neighbor J: I don't think so.
Nordic Boy: I'd never heard that.
Me: I don't think Harry Truman was still alive in 1980.
Biology Girl: Yes, he was. He died on Mount Saint Helens. I remember reading that, and I saw his name listed among the dead at the Visitor Center that Neighbor J is talking about.
Neighbor J: I didn't see that. His name was listed there?
Biology Girl: Yes. I saw it.
Me: Maybe it was someone named Harry Truman, but not the President Harry Truman.
Biology Girl: No, really, it was the President.
Neighbor J: But, if he really did die there, don't you think there would be a whole exhibit about him at the Visitor Center? It doesn't seem right to just list his name. He was a former President, after all. You'd think they'd make a big deal out of that.
Biology Girl: Maybe there's an exhibit somewhere else. I just know that he died there.
Me: But why was he even at Mount Saint Helens and why didn't he evacuate?
Biology Girl: I think he might have lived there. You know, like retired there.
Nordic Boy: He lived on Mount Saint Helens? Really?

You see what's happening? What started out as an obviously absurd statement, where three out of the four people in the car were SURE that President Truman did not die on Mount Saint Helens, becomes completely plausible because of the surety with which this girl can speak. There was no hesitation. Any sort of "are you sure?" questions were met with a clear, unblinking "of course." Within minutes, we were all questioning ourselves. How could we have not known about President Harry Truman retiring in a little cabin in the woods on Mount Saint Helens? I mean, duh. Obviously everyone knew this but us. Look at Biology Girl, teaching us something new. Thanks, Biology Girl! And once again, she was shown to be wrong about this. And when we all found out she was wrong, I think we were more surprised than she was. She's that convincing.

Exhibit C:
Ok, this one is great because I don't think this one was ever resolved. Ask her and she may still argue this one until she's blue in the face. There's no way to prove this one because all we have to go on is what we saw with our own eyes but what we witnessed for ourselves is not enough. Biology Girl is still confident that she is right. It has had to be put up on a shelf called "agreeing to disagree." It went like this. We were on a vacation in Whistler, Canada, where we had rented a cabin on a lake. Jenny and I were reading our books on one of the couches in the living room. Biology Girl was lying down on the couch opposite us. As we read our books silently, Biology Girl became very relaxed. She sank down into the couch in such a way as to look dead. She stayed in this position for over a half hour, unmoving. Jenny and I giggled at her quietly and kept reading our books. As Biology Girl sprawled, she made cute sleeping noises. She breathed slowly and evenly, and mmmm'd and did all of the sleepy sounding things that people do when they are, um, sleeping. Her sleepy sounds were so funny, in fact, that Jenny and I giggled at her a little bit louder, which roused her from sleepyland.

Her: What's so funny?
Jenny: You were making noises in your sleep.
Her: I was not!
Jenny: You were, while you were napping.
Her: I do not NAP.
Me: What?
Her: I don't nap! Never have. I'm not a napper.
Me: I'm sorry, Biology Girl, but you were napping. Even if you haven't napped ever in your life before, you were, just now, napping. Asleep.
Her: I was not! I do not nap!

I know what you're thinking. Why, of all things, is this the time to take a stand? It's not like we accused her of pooping on the patio or something. We weren't accusing her of anything. But that's just the thing. It's always something inconsequential. Cowboy Junkies, Harry Truman, naps. Not things that you expect someone to have a strong opinion about. But she is adamant. She does not nap! How dare we insinuate that she was napping? We had to let this one drop. How do you prove to someone that they were, indeed, napping? And really, what would you gain even if you could prove it?

So, if any of you run in to Biology Girl this week, do three things:
1. Wish her a Happy Birthday.
2. Become incredibly skeptical if she becomes obstinate about a random point.
3. Tell her that I love her.

Never mind, I'll do #3 myself. Love you, Biology Girl! And you do totally take naps.




Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl