Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Try This Flirting Technique

In 7th grade choir, we sometimes had a sub, Mr. Beemer. Mr. Beemer was well-known for sitting in his office all hour, while the class went berserk in a Jack-the-pig-hunter sort of way. People would run around, playing tag on the risers or wrestling amongst the folding chairs, pummelling each other in that fun-but-actually-very-mean way that middle schoolers can have. Or, if you were like me, you would sit there and talk with friends, write notes, or flirt across the room. I give you the following example..

So, there I sat that day, talking to my friends. As we talked, we all periodically looked over at 7th-grade cutie Seth and giggled audibly, just, you know, to make a point.

As I was talking, all of a sudden...ping! Something hit me on the shoulder. I looked back. I couldn't figure out what it was, but oh my god, Seth was LOOKING in our general direction. This was big news, because cool boys were always stand-offish. They didn't LOOK at anyone. They glanced, maybe. They looked bored and let their eyes pass over you, through you. They didn't LOOK. But there he was. Looking. I turned back around, and I'm sure I did something extremely subtle like squeal "ohmygod!" and clap my hands together. I'm not proud of this, people. I'm just being real here. This is who I was in 7th grade.

Ping! Something else hit me. What the hell? I turned around, looked on the floor, and what did my little eyes spy? M&Ms. Someone was throwing M&Ms at me. I looked up, and there was Seth, looking back. Could it be? I turned back around and alerted my friends. They kept an eye out, so the next time one of them hit me, they saw it. It was Seth. Be still my beating heart.

As the pelting continued, the pile of M&Ms around my chair started to collect. And this is what became apparent. They were ALL GREEN. Seth was picking through his little bag of M&Ms, and getting the green ones out to throw at me. Because, you know. Green M&Ms. Wink wink.

I ask you to please tell me what 7th grade brain could come up with a gesture more funny than that? Seriously, if Margaret Mead was studying the sexuality of American kids being struck dumb by their own puberty, she would find no better archetype of behavior than this. Am I right or am I right?

And, to show you that I was not above this M&M affection/aggression construct, I will reveal that I did not just keep giggling and being pelted. I started picking up those M&Ms and throwing them back. And, in this way, Seth and I got to interact. We didn't actually talk, of course. Because that would have been too much. But we had a green M&M fight, and felt our hormones surging through our charged up adolescent bodies. How sweet it was.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl

12 comments:

*~* Linda *~* said...

I think you should send this to Berg With Fries blog...

http://www.bergwithfries.com/2007/01/free_mms_you_say.html

Great story!!

Anonymous said...

Fear not Librarian Girl because I think this is STILL the way I flirt with boys (at least metaphorically). As far as I can tell, the only downside of this method is that some perfectly good M&M's did not get eaten. A small price to pay for not having to actually talk to a cute boy...

Josh said...

Oh KG, she already has. But thanks for looking out for me. You should get a free bag of M&Ms just for that.

*~* Linda *~* said...

ROFL... I just returned to post a comment that says... "Nevermind, I just popped over and saw that you already shared your M&M story" and now Josh HIMSELF has replied here to tell me that!! Wow! I'm so excited!! *waves to josh* (I'm a big fan).

I feel bad now. I acutally have an M&M story too. Guess I'll get writing instead of finding other people's M&M stories and referring.

french panic said...

First the boyfriend with motorcycle story. Now flirting by M&M flinging with studly grade 7 coolness. Were you ever not cool? Yeesh.

Jen said...

I wonder what the significance of the green was? :)

I had my own flirtation-by-chocolate-proxy with much more pedestrian Hershey's Kisses. My story, however, is not nearly as charming as yours :)

Sphincter said...

I thought that green only had power on Thursdays. Was this a Thursday? Or did I spend my entire youth misinformed? OMG, have I really been in the dark about this for 30 years? The shame, the shame...

Rude Cactus said...

Speaking of chocolate...happy valentine's day!

velocibadgergirl said...

That's not so bad. I once saved up green M&Ms for a month and gave them to a boy at school that I had a huge crush on...in 12th grade. The shame. He turned out to be a big jerk, too, so I'm glad that he never was interested in me.

Desperate Housewife said...

I am shocked at the waste of perfectly good M&Ms.

Darlene said...

Nothing makes you feel like a boys wants you more than when he throws food at you. It can't get any more romantic than this.. :o) Did you two ever talk, or was your flirtation strictly based around food fights?

Mr. Toast said...

I agree with Darlene. As a former Boy, this is exactly how I remember displaying affection in the 7th grade. The corollary to this is the larger the food item, the more he likes you. So if he went from tossing M&M's to french fries, then worked his way up to bananas, canned hams, and finally entire Butterball turkeys, then ohmygod you were so gonna marry his ass.