Tuesday, February 23, 2010

In which a bird says "Welcome to spring"

It seems like every year, Seattle has a Great Spring Fakeout right in the middle of February. All of a sudden, after weeks and weeks of drizzle, mist, fog, showers, and other gray spit from the sky, there always comes a day or two of bright blue skies, 60 degree temperatures, the whole kielbasa.

This past weekend was this year's Fakeout. My yard was busting out all over: crocuses, camelias, daffodils, morning glories- they all opened up their faces and smiled at the sun. It's a good thing too. The rain has started to get to us. Whenever we go out into the rain these days I can't stop myself from saying "What a world! What a world!" (And I must say, as an aside, that when Nordic Boy knows what that quote is from and responds appropriately with "Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?" it makes me love him all the more).

Never one to miss a good Spring Fakeout, Nordic Boy and I put on our grubby clothings and went outside to frolic in the yard. If, by frolic, you mean that we pulled weeds and raked dead leaves, that is. If you recall, in the past I have had a less than cheery disposition about my yard, mostly due to its overgrown, untamable nature when we bought our house. Think of it this way: our yard was the planty equivalent of a house on Hoarders. And who wants to try and clean up that sort of mess? It's overwhelming to say the least. Over the past few years, we have toned down our front yard from the mess of our predecessors and now it actually looks, well, maybe not great, but it looks fine. (Well, our front yard looks fine. The backyard is still a horror movie). And now that the front yard looks fine, the upkeep is actually pretty non-back-breaking. I am fond of things that are not back-breaking.

So yesterday, when it was fake spring, I was actually not-overwhelmed-with-a-touch-of-irate when Nordic Boy suggested we go out and clean up a bit. I was actually happy about it.

Nordic Boy started pulling some weeds on our rock wall slope, while I started raking up pine needles from under our gigantic cedar tree. This tree is easily 40 feet tall if it's an inch, and standing under it, raking up needles under filtered warm sunbeams? NICE.

Until a bird dropped a turd right onto my forehead.

I have never had a bird poop on me before. Have you? It is, perhaps not surprisingly, not pleasant. THANK JEEBUS it didn't drip down near my eye or I might have just had to scream bloody murder.

Oh, who am I kidding. Even though it didn't drip, I still screamed bloody murder. Or should I say poopy murder?

Nordic Boy came racing over because he probably thought that I had raked my leg off accidentally or something, the way I was carrying on. He wiped it off for me (because apparently I freeze into inaction when pooped on), checked the rest of my head and shoulders for other signs of birdie defecation (will we never stop finding new definitions of love?) and called it all clear. I then went into the house and scrubbed my face/forehead. Because dudes. POOPED ON.

My enthusiasm for working in my non-messy yard would not be deterred, however. I went back outside and continued my work, albeit far away from the scene of the crap. And not twenty minutes later? Um, pooped on AGAIN.

I swear to god this bird was being a dick to me. Like, on purpose.

Has this ever happened to any of you? Double stuff poopage within the span of a half hour?

Despite that, the afternoon was lovely, as was the whole weekend. Nordic Boy and I are making progress toward re-routing the water in our kitchen in preparation for a new dishwasher, I co-threw a baby shower for my dear friends Hopscotch and Rambo on Saturday night (and didn't make anyone play any games which was mainly due to the fact that my party-throwing cohost and I couldn't think of any non-excruciating ones, but then when there were no games people throughout the party kept giving me undying gratitude for it so I felt like a hero by default), and I walked around without a coat on for the entire weekend which makes me unreasonably happy.

So to recap: pros of the weekend were successful party-throwing, sunshine, and plumbing progress. Cons were getting shat on by a feathered friend, twice. On the face. I am choosing to still call this a great weekend.

15 comments:

Marie said...

I was pooped on once at a high school band picnic by a bird flying by. Thank goodness I was already covered in raw egg from the egg toss game we played, otherwise I might have been mortified. I must say that a double pooping would be pretty bad.

I totally agree that it's little things like wiping off poo that really let you know someone loves you.

leah u. said...

Last summer I was pooped on while riding my bike. My bike is a way cute pink 3 speed with a basket on the front, and at least half of the poop landed IN MY BASKET. I couldn't decide if I was happy that it didn't land on my head, or mad that it was defiling my basket. Jury is still out on that one.

This whole conversation confirms my argument that birds are EVIL. The flapping, and the hollow bones, and the close relationship to T-Rex, all signs point to evil.

librarianista said...

I have a harrowing bird poop story I'll tell you sometime. Well, as harrowing as a bird poop story can get.

Teej said...

I thought I held the record on this one, but you just kicked my ass. I had two run-ins (ewww) with bird poop in one week. The first bomb landed on my HAIR (immediate shower required, no other options), and the second one landed on my shoulder a few days later.

But you! You are the Poop Culture Librarian!

Sorry. Too soon?

dizz said...

It feels like only yesterday but I was 10 when I had my bird poo story. We were going out together as a family and I was all dressed up in my new cutie 10 year old outfit, which had ruffles on the shoulders (go with it, I was 10, we're talking 1985!)A bird did its evil fly-by and poo-ed right on my ruffled shoulders! Cue 10 year old tears, boo hoo hoo.

Double fly-by though, sheesh, that's just harsh.

brie said...

You should check out the third episode of the new season of The Sarah Silverman Program. Bird poop revenge story---demented, but funny.

Anonymous said...

You know that being pooped on by a bird means good luck? You know that, right? And twice in one day means your life is going to be even more awesome than usual. CJ

Sauntering Soul said...

Oh. My.

I have dreams about birds all the time, but thankfully have never once been pooped on by one. Well, I was in a dream once but I don't suppose that really counts.

I admire you for going back out there after the first poop incident. I would have had to take a long hot shower and laid down for a nap.

Anonymous said...

That ALWAYS happens to me!! I've been pooped on more than a dozen times!!!! And I am not exaggerating! It is disgusting. So sorry.

tricia said...

I just saw this online workshop announcement and thought I had to share it with you:


*Pop Culture in Libraries*

March 1 - 31, 2010 (online asynchronous) $250 (Simmons GSLIS Alumni price $200)
PDPs: 15

Students will be introduced to the important place pop culture has in libraries. Instructors will present on a variety of materials that should be a part of every library collection: books, films, music, comics, and new media. Through online meetings, required reading and screenings, students will have a chance to learn about collection development, program planning, and satisfying the needs of their patrons by providing popular materials. Students will need to access streaming video, audio, real time internet based chats, and participate online.

Instructor: Robin Brenner is a Reference/Teen Librarian, Brookline, MA. Sarah Sogigian is a Trainer/Consultant for Youth Services, Metrowest MA and Boston Regional Library Systems.

For more information about online workshops see
http://www.simmons.edu/gslis/careers/continuing-education/faq.php#faq1432
***************************************
For additional information or to register see http://www.simmons.edu/gslis/careers/continuing-education/register.php
or contact gslisce@simmons.edu

velocibadgergirl said...

Ok, this? "our yard was the planty equivalent of a house on Hoarders" Made me laugh and laugh. Because, sadly, that's also a perfect description of our backyard. We've been here two summers and have barely scratched the surface of unnecessary plantlife intervention.

Ali said...

That poop story just made me snort out loud. I was once pooped on while sunning myself in a bikini. The poop hit my bare stomach like a torpedo... I'm talking serious foce. Not pleasant. And like you, the poop made me freeze.

cadiz12 said...

I've heard the good-luck feel-better-about-being-pooped-on story, too. and you must be extra special because it was twice in one day!

oh, and i've been watching Hoarders obsessively. i have a problem.

readersguide said...

We, in fact, have squirrels who pee on us. I think they don't like us to sit in the yard, which they view as theirs.

Barb said...

I had a bird poop on my when I was at Universal Studios. Got my hair, my face and my white shirt. Who knew a bird could hold in so much poop! I pretty much washed my hair in one of the sinks in the bathroom ~ also had to remove my shirt to wash it out. Nasty!

Oh, great hit baby shower game... bring play doh and have the guests "make a baby" from it. It was pretty darn funny and everyone loved it.