Yesterday, I was driving BioGirl home, and I needed to check a voicemail message on my phone, so I played it on speaker so as not to put it up to my ear with one hand and cause a crash by using my cell phone normally. On it, there was a message from Nordic Boy. After I listened to it...
Her: You know, it's kind of weird. He said your name on that message, and I realized that I don't really hear him use your name very often.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: I don't know. I guess because we usually all hang out together, so he doesn't have to say it very much or something.
Me: He uses my name pretty often, I think.
Her: I guess I just never noticed it before.
Me: I think you are just relieved that you heard a private voicemail from him to me and that you didn't have to hear any sickening pet names or anything.
Her: Totally. I am very relieved to know you just call each other by your names. I mean, if you call each other snookums, then I don't need to hear it, you know?
Me: Can you imagine? Like if I played that message, and all of a sudden, he was all "hello, poopsie!" All baby talk or something?
Her: Ugh!
Me: What is with that word, anyway? "Poopsie." That just don't sound right.
Her: No argument there.
Me: No, I mean, beyond the cutesyness of it. POOPSIE. How did that become a term of endearment? It derives from the word POOP.
Her: I never thought of that before.
Me: You shouldn't be calling your loved ones a word that derives from poop. It's not nice.
Her: I don't know if that's really the etymology of that word.
Me: I don't care. It's still wrong. Poopsie! How you gonna call someone that? What's next? I love you, snotsie? I mean, that's basically what it is. A bodily function name. A name that comes from poop.
Her: Stop saying poop!
Me: It's pretty passive aggressive. Like, you're acting like you love someone, but really, you're just calling them poop.
Her: Stop saying poop!
Me: Sorry.
Me: Poopsie.
I'm out,
Librarian Girl
Friday, April 18, 2008
Honey Baby Sweetheart
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5 comments:
Passive aggressive terms of endearment I would embrace:
- Jerksie
- Retardums
- Idioter
- Dumbassy
- Fatsie
- Whoreums
Yeah. I'm one of those people. I almost never call Rob by his name, and I routinely call him "schnookems" on the phone in front of my co-workers. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.
Poopsie!
Bridge Man rarely calls me by my first name so I can see where BG is coming from. He has pet names that he uses. But I would draw the line at:
Sugar Butt
Puddin' Pie
Schmoopsie
Sweet Lips
... and anything else in the make-me-want-to-hurl category.
This reminds me of two of my co-workers back in the day. One of them always used terms of endearment that made the rest of us want to vomit - Sweetie pie, honey bun, etc. One day she turned to the other co-worker and said "what do you and your boyfriend call each other?" and the reply was "Butthead". And it was true. I had hung out with them and that's all they ever called each other.
My girlfriend sent me a link to this post. Great stuff really funny.
But despite the obvious hilarity and deep, thought-provoking content within said post, I think she was actually trying to tell me something.
My nickname for her is poop. Not poopsie, poopikins...just poop. Sometimes I call her shitter. But if I really want to make her grind her teeth, I call her "shit-face".
I know what you're thinking - and you're right - I do have issues. But no more than your average whipped, ass-kissing boyfriend who opts for the more conventional (and boring) names like princess, sweety or Lovemuffin.
I choose to express my love in a unique and confusing manner. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Her nickname for me is "perfect". True story.
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