Keep It Real

So much reality tv, so little time. It's difficult for me to keep up with all the house-trading, Flava-dating, Bachelor-mating, celebrity-skating, Simon-hating stuff that's out there these days. But last night I was watching Dave Chappelle dance with James Lipton on Bravo, and the next commercial break featured a spot for "Top Chef," a show where chefs are given challenges to showcase who is the cheffiest of them all. It made me think a little more about all of these reality shows that are focused on finding the best person with a particular talent. The best singer, the best dancer, the best chef, the best model, the best designer, the best entrepeneur.

So what would a reality show about librarians look like? We ought to have one about us too, right? We are so reality worthy. We're oodles more interesting than people ever give us credit for. But what sorts of stuff would showcase who was the "best"? When I look at my colleagues, I'm impressed by a whole array of things. Do we have challenges to see who kicks ass all-around? Fast, yet patient reference service, plus mad reader's advisory skills, plus programming, outreach, etc.? If I try and list everything that we do, I start to think this show would have to be ridiculously long.

So maybe we need to mix it up a little. Maybe the show could involve some sort of reference relay race, where patrons bombard us with questions out in the stacks, and we have to run around, shouting out the proper Dewey number as we race to pull the exact right source for them as quickly as possible. Like the Amazing Race, with librarians. Or maybe we could have patrons switch places with librarians for a day so that we can torment them until they have to take a break in the backroom to shed a few tears: Librarian Swap. Or maybe we could have three library "experts" (say, perhaps, MLIS professors) come sit on a panel, watch us work, and then berate us with insults American Idol style (sounds kind of like grad school, come to think of it). Or, we could take a cue from America's Next Top Model and be coached on the right attitude, demeanor, and mannerisms appropo to a top librarian ("show me attitude, people, more attitude!"). We could make 6 young, hot, diverse-ish librarians live together in a swanky loft apartment during an ALA conference, and leave us to our wild and freaky selves, complete with night-vision cameras and a "confessional" booth ("Tiffany totally looked hot during that roundtable. I wonder if we'll hook up in the hot tub later?"). We could have "Librarian Eye for the Patron Guy" featuring makeovers given by librarians to their meanest, most ornery patrons ("socks and sandals for you, fool!"). We could take a cue from the Supernanny and put a librarian with a bunch of unsupervised kids in the library and watch them try and babysit without actually being legally responsible for anyone.

No matter what the competition is, I think the prize should be an all-expense-paid vacation, because isn't that what we all want? And the set should resemble the Price Is Right, because that is the best set ever made. And the host of the show should be David Bowie. No reason, just because I like David Bowie.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl