Monday, March 03, 2008

How We Roll

I haven't forgotten all those questions you guys asked me last week, I really haven't. A couple of you got me started on that whole Nordic Boy story so the other questions got set aside. And I promise you that I will answer them, but first? I have to tell you two things.

1. When Nordic Boy read the last few posts, this is what he said: "Wow, you really shortened that story up. Way to edit!" So, as long as it might have seemed, it was really the Reader's Digest Condensed version. You're welcome.

2. How did I celebrate Leap Day last week? Why I am so glad you asked me.

I went rollerskating.

How cute is my friend Hopscotch in her rollerskating outfit? WAY CUTE.

When I got invited to go rollerskating, there was a part of me that was sad. Because I knew that rollerskating is not what it once was back when I knew it and loved it. I mean, then it was Xanadu and Skatetown USA. Now it's all BreakSk8. I knew, going in, that my nostalgia was about to be smashed and I was going to feel like the busted up granmaw that I am.

Boy when I am wrong, I am wrong, people.

That place? Was straight outta the early 80s! Like, not in a retro on-purpose way. In a this place was made in the 80s way and NOTHING HAS BEEN UPDATED.

Forget updated. I don't think things have even been cleaned.

When we walked in, Nordic Boy looked at me and says "Wow. Eau de Sweaty Socks." Normally, that shit would make me run in the opposite direction. But this time, I settled in. Because rollerskating rinks, the way I remember them, aren't supposed to smell like roses. Right?

The museum-like lobby, untouched by time, but not by sweaty booties.

When we got in there, it was a TOTAL TIME WARP. Just like I remembered! A bunch of people, skating in a big circle. What a weird thing to do, when you really think about it. A disco ball in the middle. Colored lights. Blue slushies and corn dogs on sale. A dude with a handle-bar mustache who polices the place and calls out things like "ALL SKATE!" and "BACKWARDS ONLY!"

Are you getting the picture?

When I was a kid, I wasn't a champion rollerskater or anything, like I couldn't do any tricks of any kind, but I was passable. I could go around in that incessant circle just fine. I never had any embarrassing wipeouts, like a lot of my friends do.

Rather, I didn't have any wipeouts, UNTIL NOW.

It was really quite spectacular, actually. It happened back in a corner where none of my friends were, so no one that I knew got to see the fabulosity with which I fell. This may sound ridiculous, but I was kind of disappointed. I mean, if you are going to have a balls out crash, and no one sees it, what is the effin' point? It's like the tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear it.

The fall had chapters. It wasn't like I was up and then I was down, all quick. Oh no. It was layered. It went on and on. It was the fall that kept on falling.

First, I was skating along nicely. I had a couple of "whoa!" moments, but overall, I was fine. Then, all of a sudden, the whoa got out of control, so I reached out with my right hand to grab onto the railing on the wall. I grabbed on, but forgot to put my toe down to stop myself, so instead of slowing down, I somehow managed to turn myself around. Completely. So now I am skating backwards, with my right hand still touching the wall, which is now on my left. Nordic Boy was behind me and he started to skate over because it was so obvious that I was GOING DOWN in a big way, but he was too late. I fell, and unfortunately, I landed on my right knee. As soon as I felt that impact, I tried to do whatever I could with shifting my weight to get myself off that knee because, you know, OW. Which resulted in me sort of rolling to the side in a very Aikido like way. The big finish being me, in sort of a fetal position, as the rest of the skaters rolled by.

It was a proud moment in my life.

I sat it out for most of the night after that, as my knee was kind of throbbing and making this alarming clicking noise. Nordic Boy skated the rest of the night away, until he ended up flat on his back with his skates in the air. Then he was done after that.

The grace. It is unparalled.

I'm out,
Librarian Girl


Jan Ross said...

When my daughter was about four, I took her roller skating because I thought I was still all young and cool even though I was a mom. We skated for a while, holding hands. Then she fell and took me down. I fell straight back and I do believe my head was the first thing to hit the floor. You can believe it was pretty embarrassing to tell them in the ER that I fell at the skating rink. And then to explain the stitches in my head for the next week by telling people I fell while roller skating.

Sauntering Soul said...

I went rollerskating about three years ago with a group of girlfriends. We went several times in a period of a couple of months but the next few times we took kids (their children, my niece, etc.) because honestly, we were the only group of adults with no kids there the first time and we felt incredibly silly.

The rink we went to was the same. Dirty and straight from the 80's. I think the skates were still from the 80's too. Blech. And I was the only one who wiped out in a big way. I had bruises from one end of me to the other when we left.

Were you sore? I could barely walk the next day.

I don't think rollerblading would be a wise thing for me to attempt. I can't stay up on four wheels in a square.

Anonymous said...

I haven't been rollerskating in forever! I hope your knee feels better :)

Katie Kiekhaefer said...

I hope your knee is healing nicely--that is quite a fall (I'm sure the visual was even more impressive/painful) I was a total roller rink rat when I was little and I had the same experience as you when my high school friend had her party at our childhood roller rink. The same people were working there (miraculously they looked as though they hadn't aged a day) and they still did the group hokey pokey, limbo and dice game. It was so much fun. Of course, we made the owner play the classic hits like the New Kids on the Block Happy Birthday song and "Downtown" by Petula Clark (when she says "Down," stoop down!). All this reminiscing is totally making me want to go back to our skating grounds :)

Anonymous said...

Um, has anyone else heard of "Shoot the Duck?" This was a very popular skate when I was in junior high. Everyone would be skating around, and the announcer would yell out "Shoot the Duck!" which meant that you were supposed to get close to the ground w/ one knee bent (foot under your butt) and the other leg straight out in front of you. The goal was to see who could keep rolling the longest. I have never met anyone who wasn't from my town that knew what I was talking about. Or is that another weird E. Washington thing, kind of like "Cheese Zombie" being served for school lunch?

Question: Was there a sticker machine at the roller rink with metallic unicorn stickers? That was my favorite part of the skating ring. Couples skate was totally bogus.

srcsmgrl said...

Jenny, as soon as I read "shoot the duck" I had the picture in my head. I remember people doing that, although I don't think I was ever talented enough on roller skates to do it myself.

Xteener said...

I haven't been roller skating in years. I can manage to go straight but turning is what trips me up. Literally.

Brown Sugar said...

The last time I went ice roller skating..i had to wear a skirt..cause I figured back then..roller skatin in skirts gave you more elegance while skating..

I crash into a big guy and I'am big as well: the clash of the titans. As a result: The whole world had to see my knickers when I fell down not so gracefully!

Claire said...

Last time I went rollerskating was at a roller-rink behind Kings Cross. It was soooo retro just like your rink. But they also served alcohol cos it was like a club. So alcohol and roller skating...lots of tumbling. But it didn't hurt cos we were drunk. So next time, just smuggle some vino in there and the fall will be much easier :o)

Becky said...

pops had a similar "fall down hard and then sit out the rest" experience a couple of years ago at the disco-roller-wedding-shower we threw for my sister and (now) brother-in-law before they got married. we dressed up as spandextabulously as possible, skated like it was 1986, and then my sister opened shower gifts (blenders, toasters, etc) right there in the concession area. it was all very rad. and bitchin.

pops made about three laps before doing this sad, flailing jump in the air-rockettes kickline-type fall that landed him square on his butt in the middle of traffic. he couldn't walk right for days.

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

oh my! how fabulously retro! I love it.

bad on the falling, ick, I hope your knee is ok. I'm with you though, if you're gonna wipe out like that you need witnesses so you can talk about it later!

cadiz12 said...

i recently got Roll Bounce and was totally taken back to all those field trips and roller skating birthday parties where they'd wheel the birthday person around in a gigantic skate. such good times!

sorry to hear about your fall, though. hope your knee feels better soon.

Librarian Girl said...

Jenny- we had Shoot the Duck in the Midwest too. And at this rollerskating place last week too, so you are not the only one to remember that!

Dizz- Smuggle in alcohol? Nah-uh. The handle-bar mustache rollerskating police guy totally made me spit my gum out, so obviously they were watching everyone like crazy.

Sucia_13 said...

Did they play Indeep's "Last night a dj saved my life"? I still skate about 6 hours a week (with derby in case anyone can think of a fun library/librarian-themed derby name I'm open to suggestions) and falling is only good when people are around to see it. I fell so hard last week I literally bounced; I've been talking about it ever since with facial expressions and interpretive body movements finishing off with "look at this wheel shaped bruise on my leg!"

Did anyone ever do the Cha-cha slide (now of McDs commercial fame)?

WDL said...

omg. GERMS!!! OMG!!

I once grabbed the lysol from the guy and resprayed my skates, which effectively made security watch me the rest of the night.

I can only go in circles anyway, so its not super fun. And after drinking soda, I always have to pee. Try doing that standing up on wheels. It's awful.


Maddie said...

I'm glad to see that your brownie grubbing ways didn't forever ruin your friendship with Hopscotch.

Anonymous said...

Hope your knee feels better! I so want to go roller skating. Did you do the couples skate?

librarianista said...

Look at you with the stealth camera! I hope you are mostly healed by now.