Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Our Town

So Biology Girl and I have had many a night where we have stayed up way past the witching hour talking. When this happens, we come up with what I am choosing to describe as Mind Art. The material that we use to make this art is nothing but our genius little brains. One of the earliest installations that we have invented is what we like to call Our Town.

This in no way is meant to reference that Thornton Wilder play. The one that I had to read (as Emily) out loud in 10th grade opposite this kid named Jay, who had a disturbingly full, bushy mustache that I kept trying not to look at. The one that Rayanne read with Angela Chase. The one that made Mike Seaver want to be an actor. OUR Our Town has nothing to do with Thornton, and is apparently too artful for anyone else to understand.

So it all started one night, when one of us jokingly said to the other: "what in the Sam Hill was that all about?" This led us to think...who is Sam Hill and what in the Sam Hill is up with that expression? We shrugged and kept talking. Later in the conversation, one of us said something about tomfoolery. The other one of us said "who in the Sam Hill is Tom Foolery?" This, as you can imagine from reading this blog and seeing how sophisticated our humor can be, made us giggle for a good five minutes. Sam Hill! Tom Foolery! Hee hee ha ha!

From that day forward, we have added other fictional people. We have so many now, that we decided that these people were all residents of our fictional town. They even have personalities, and jobs. The population keeps growing. Jack Shit. Dot Matrix. The only rule seems to be that it has to be a common phrase or term that sounds like a name. Doesn't that sound simple?

One day we are sitting there with Nordic Boy, and we tell him about our town. "...Willy Nilly. Fanny Pack. Get it?"

To which he replied "that's pretty funny! Hey you guys. I got one. How about someone named M'Hand Stinky? Ha ha!"

Insert cricket sounds here, as Biology Girl and I did not laugh. Imagine confused faces from us both. I said to him, ever so lovingly: "M'Hand? What is M'Hand? That's not a name! And M'Hand Stinky. Well, that's not really a common phrase or term either. It's not a name, and it's not a phrase. It doesn't even really make any sense. What is M'Hand Stinky?"

Nordic Boy tried to defend his name as being funny. Just as funny as Charlie Horse. Or Dick Weed. Yes, it's funny. That's not the issue. It's just NOT A NAME. NOR A PHRASE.

Ah, well, we thought. That's just Nordic Boy not getting us. That's ok. He probably wasn't really paying attention to the explanation of our town. Who can blame him? When Biology Girl and I get talking, I bet lots of people just hear blahddy blah blah.

So then Biology Girl mentioned our town to the boy she was dating. "...Nick Knack, who is dating Patty Whack! Isn't that funny?"

To which this boy replied: "yeah! That IS funny. How about some siblings for Jack Shit? Maybe his brother's name should be No Shit!"

More cricket sounds. You see, No Shit is a common phrase, yes. But it's NOT A NAME. Why is this so hard?

This trend has continued. Whenever we mention our town to anyone, they just REFUSE TO GET IT. Why? What is so difficult? It's not the theory of relativity, people. It's just terms that sound like names. Then you make them into characters. Chuck Roast, the chef. Phil Harmonic, the symphony conductor. Russel Up, the cowhand. Get it? Someone, please. Anyone? Anyone?

We even have landmarks. My favorite is Mount Yin Yang. You see, people like to hike up the yin yang. Come ON! That's funny!

Oh I don't know. I have a feeling that if I was in room with all of you right now, and I asked who all was getting this, there would only be one hand raised. And it would be M'Hand.

Kiss the rings, I'm out.
Librarian Girl


Anonymous said...

I, for one, love the idea of your town and also fully get the concept. Unfortunately, I can't seem to come up with any examples right now.

Lisa said...

In library school, nearly every class had a create-your-own-library assignment. Willie Nillie was totally the director of our music library at a university!

Anonymous said...

Now we'll see if out there in cyberspace there might be SOME people who understand our town! And although the misguided boy has since left the scene, I think I found a way to fix his townsperson...Noah Shit.

Anonymous said...

I am no longer in love with Nordic Boy. I love your town and its concept ain't rocket science. I'm just sayin'.

My family has a town too. Although, it's really a town. There is/was a town for sale near my grandparent's home. One Christmas we all sat around and in our heads we bought the town, renamed it, and gave ourselves jobs. Mine? I had to take a swig of each of the wine bottles before they were corked to ensure quality and my continued drunken state.

Katie Kiekhaefer said...

When I was little, I thought that when I went to high school, I would be in a production of Our Town (preferably with Mike Mike Seaver--hubba hubba). However, I also thought my 16th birthday party would be like Lisa Turtle's from Saved by the Bell.... So disappointing...

Love the story and the game--you two are too witty!

pagan said...

How about Dixie Cup? She could run the local 7-11.

pagan said...

I don't know if you would consider this one common enough to qualify - although it is quite common in Irish/American families:

Donny Brook
Local Fish & Game Warden?

(For those who do not know, a donnybrook is a loud or raucus argument - in my family there was usually much alcohol involved. In an Irish family. What a surprise!)

Oh! And I suppose that thanks to Gwyeneth Paltrow you could now add:

Apple Cider
Juice bar employee

Anonymous said...

I heart it! I now have an obsession with thinking up another person for your town. Damn.

Librarian Girl said...

I KNEW you guys would understand us!

I believe we already have Dixie Cup. Donny Brook, though...I think we have an Irishman in town!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm going to try to come up with something: Jack O'Lantern - owns a candle shop/pumpkin farm, Chris. P. Cream - a creamery or donut shop, Barbie Cue - a long legged buxom woman who holds cue cards on movie sets, or maybe for the local news, Chris Cross - always in a bad mood, Hai Jinks- good friends with Tom Foolery, Marks A. Lot - two brothers, both named Mark. WHatever they do (maybe sell permanent markers) they do a lot of it.

Anonymous said...

Over lunch I thought of May Day, June Bug, Aunt Hill, Aunt Farm, Patty Melt, Barb Wire...I'd love to see a list of all the peeps.

e-Lizabeth said...

I'm a big fan of your blog and just had to weigh in on your town, which totally rocks. So... I've had this character (for a story I have yet to write) and her name is Paige Turner - and yes, in my fictional fiction world - she writes thrillers.

Sphincter said...

I, too, hail from an Irish family. I can tell you that if Donny Brook is taking up residence, his arch nemesis Paddy Wagon is sure to follow.

Anonymous said...

And maybe Virginia Hamm? One of the Hamm girls, the only one who has yet to be married to Jack Quick, from the town of Nimble.

Jen Robinson said...

If you want, Our Town can be part of Tar Nation. That was my imaginary land when I was a kid, after my gramma asked me what in tarnation I planned on doing with a pail full of mud in the house.

Also in your town could live the creation of my friend Julie, Chester Drawers. She thought a chest of drawers was more properly called "Chester Drawers" until she was in high school.

Oh oh, and Sultan Pepper could be a visiting dignitary.

Anonymous said...

Molly Bolt? She's a contractor who builds straw bale houses....

TrevorFSmith said...

I just ran into Patty Cake, who you may know because she used to date Jim Dandy until he ran off with Molly Coddle.

TrevorFSmith said...

Of course I receive all the best dirt about Our Town from the town stylist, Nancy Boy. He's just the Bea's Knees.