Thursday, December 27, 2012

6 and 3 and 1 and 1

My goal for the last few days was to lie in a heap on my couch (time off work! My favorite thing about Christmas!) and read books and watch movies and never get out of my jimmer jams. The icy rain that seems to always be coming at me sideways was telling me that's what I wanted to do, anyway. Yes, I now hear rain voices, what OF it?

I did get some of that accomplished with some busting out for certain very important things. Such as:

1. I went out to see two movies (and the couple who brought their 3-year-old to see Lincoln and he was mesmerized the whole 2.5 hours? Either that child is a genius or that there is scientific proof that Daniel Day-Lewis is mesmerizing).
2. We went out for our annual Chinese food for Christmas Eve dinner. I sort of felt bad for the waitstaff because that place was so completely slammed with all us non-Christmasy folk it was sort of on the ridiculous side. Wall-to-wall humanity! They probably all got tipped really well that night though right?
3. I spent an afternoon with my brother and nephew. Dudes, my nephew is 11 and is so into reading right now. After all those years where he could barely give me the time of day because Uncle Nordic Boy was so much more fascinating (Nordic Boy + tools + a red truck = me/chopped liver), this is SPLENDID NEWS. How long will having a librarian aunt be cool? I don't know, but I am loving it.
4. I spent a day with Biogirl, her mom, and her mom's dude, walking all over Seattle. My town is really fun in general but it's a special kind of fun with out-of-towners.
5. Dinner with Delium. That dude cracks me up.
6. We have a new oven and cooktop and Nordic Boy made us a frigging feast on Tuesday. Channa masala, aloo with black eye peas, egg curry. Awwww yeah.

These are all awesome things. Here are some not awesome things, just to counterbalance.

1. I was at a party recently and got asked by a complete stranger if I was planning on having children. When I gave him my reply I got sad, pathetic face as if I needed a telethon of some sort. Listen, I am not naive and I know that people have opinions about ladies who do not have the babies but you do not have to look at me like I am Tiny Tim from a Christmas Carol. I am fine. I promise you: me and my desolate womb are just fine.

2. I went to this perogi place the other day and ordered a potato one, and the lady at the counter said "you Indians, always ordering POTATOES." Really, lady? You are telling me that Indians eating potatoes is a stereotype? Like, that it's even a thing? You are just making shit up and assigning it to my Indian-ness now. Next thing you know it'll be all "You Indians! Look at you! WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU DO." Isn't potato-loving universal? Like, shouldn't humanity be defined by breathing, sleeping, loving, and potato-eating? Some racial shit happens to me pretty dang regularly but that one was just weird.

3. A bird had explosive diarrhea all over my car this morning. Well, from the looks of it, it may have been a bird or a pterodactyl.

And one neutral thing:
1. I have been trying to wear more sweaters lately. I am not known for my sweater wearing as I think for some reason they look lumpy on me, and I don't like to look lumpy, my lovely lady-lumps notwithstanding. My sweater stance results in me being cold from October through May, which is also no good. This year I have made an attempt at buying some sweaters. I bought 5 and returned 3 for lumpy reasons. Still, that's progress, right?

And one dumb thing:
1. Am I the only adult on planet earth that feels bad when I hear other adults talk about Santa to little kids? The blatant lying of it makes me feel uncomfortable. Those sweet trusting faces! I kind of can't handle it. But you may have heard that I'm a Scrooge. Plus my womb instincts are broken according to random party dudes.

6 Awesome Things, 3 Not Awesome Things, One Neutral Thing, and One Dumb Thing. And the Not Awesome Things aren't really that bad in the grand scheme. I'll take that math.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy holidays, pals

Hope you got some time to max out and hug your homies this week.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Consumables #70, Holiday edition

Last week I was at work and I saw a colleague that I haven't seen in a long time. She was really busily walking somewhere and I was really busily walking somewhere (did you know that sometimes I catch myself at work doing a very scary speedwalk? It is the prissiest rushed walk ever and I am embarrassed on behalf of me and my whole family whenever I realize I am doing it because the priss reaches across generations) and we were passing in the hallway. We spotted each other right at the last minute and she said "oh hey!" and I said "great to see you!" and she sort of reached out (for a handshake? a hug? a pat on the arm? a high five?) and so I reached out but we both kept walking past each other and neither of us knew why we were reaching so as I passed her I sort of grabbed her forearm in what I hope was a grasp of warmth but she was sort of waving so, well, to be honest, she smacked me pretty good and this about sums up my whole month so far. Just that whole exchange. That's what I stand for this December.

There is also the possibility that she clocked me on purpose. Sure, true.

As you know, I am not a huge fan of Christmas. I have given it a good college try some years, but it has just never seeped in and I am just going to have to face it that I just can't get it up for Santa. (I just made you shrivel up a little with that mental picture, didn't I?). There are people who gather around the tree and hang stockings and eat turkey legs and hamhocks or whatever the hell it is on Christmas Eve, and there are people who get Chinese takeout, and I am solidly in group B. I think, as a grown ass woman, I am finally starting to be ok with this, but it's hard. I know it's a dumb thing to say (that it's hard), but whatever. Feel free to judge me. I just think that for some of us who have never quite felt a part of majority culture on a regular day, there is nothing quite like the Christmas season to make us feel like outsiders. It's the only time of year where I get sad about not being invited to things or included in yuletide infrastructure, but then confused because I don't really want to have yuletide infrastructure, do I? I mean, really, do I? I am asking. Because I never have figured that one out. Mostly I am ok with it but I think there will always be that 7-year-old me that feels like I am pressing my nose up against the window, looking at Christmas, knowing it's not for me.

Hey, I just admitted something really embarrassing on the interwebs. Wheeee! Just know that I know it's stupid. And stop looking at me about it. STOP LOOKING.

Anyhoodle. The one thing that I do like and can heartily participate in for Christmas is to take in holiday-related pop culture. Surprise! I like watching movies and stuff. Did you know this?

Here are some Christmas things I have been tasting. I have lots but I shall limit to 5.

Christmas in Connecticut
Barbara Stanwyck, the only thing that I feel sad about regarding you is that the first time I encountered you was when you were playing that creepy old lady in The Thorn Birds. Of all things. Little did I know the bastion of awesomeness that came before until I was in my twenties. The shame of it! Carl from Casablanca and Schultz from The Great Dictator are in this one too, which can never be a bad thing.

Love, Actually
Everybody sing! "I feel it in my fangers, I feel it in my toooooes..."

Holiday Inn
Ok, so remember I told you once, a very long time ago, about the crush I had, an even longer time ago, on a boy I unfortunately called Taco when I was 15 years old? There was a significant evening I had with Taco, where we were at a party sitting next to each other on a couch with our friends, watching a movie, and his hand was next to my hand, and he pressed the back of his hand onto the back of my hand, and my knickers went up in flames because of it. I call it the Famous Knuckle Makeout. Anyway, the relevant thing here is that I remember that the movie we were watching during this event was Holiday Inn. It is a nice memory. The other night, I made Nordic Boy and Biogirl watch this with me, thinking it would be a lovely way to keep my Christmas in Connecticut feelings going. All of this is preface to say that YOU GUYS BING CROSBY BROKE MY HEART. Because he does a very long, very upsetting song in that movie in full on blackface. I know, I know, it was part of the times back then blah blah things were shitty that way. But dudes! I just! Oy. How could I have not remembered Bing blacking up from my night with Taco? His knuckles were just that overpowering I guess. Oh Bing. Not even cool. Irving Berlin, I blame you also.

Holiday in Handcuffs
I have been partaking in my usual amounts of Hallmark Christmas movies (or should I say Hallmark style, since Lifetime and Ion and others are getting in on this action too), and this one stars Mario Lopez and Sabrina the Teenage Witch and it was really weird. Sabrina's boyfriend breaks up with her right before Christmas and so she has no one to take home to meet her parents so she picks up a fake gun and kidnaps a cute man (Mario) in a restaurant and makes him meet her parents. I guess we are supposed to think: WACKY! Which, mission accomplished. I really loved it a lot and when I say that I mean that I am totally JKing you.

A Christmas Tale (Un Conte de Noel)
This movie is the Frenchest shit I have ever seen in my life. It stars Catherine Deneuve as a mom who has just learned that she has cancer and all of her grown children come home for the holiday and there is lots of introspection and speaking in soft tones about life's absurdities. Also, it is about 5 million minutes long. I'm not saying it wasn't a good movie, but festive it certainly was not.

What are some other holiday movies that I should watch, especially ones that maybe get forgotten about? Email them to me or tell me in the comments.

Laters, peoples!